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Humor | Satire
I’m the Parent Who Never Reciprocates Play Dates, and Yes, I Am an Evil Genius
You’ve played right into my hand…
Hey, thanks for texting. Yes of course, my kid would love to come over to play with yours this weekend! When have I ever said “no”?
More to the point, when have I ever offered the same? Oh, that’s right.
Never. [Smirks]
You see, my kid is always up for hanging out with yours, and I’m always happy to let them. Hell, you could give me a month’s notice or five minutes, and I’d happily chauffeur them to your doorstep. There’s nothing more important than fostering children’s friendships, I always say.
Oh, wait, I just thought of one thing that is more important to me: not having to supervise anyone else’s kid.
I’ll leave you wondering every few weeks whether I’m malicious or just highly skilled at self-preservation.
…Can’t I be both?
The really great thing is that every time you get annoyed because I’ve never once invited your child over to my house, despite jumping at every invitation you extend to mine, you’re forced to remind yourself that no one’s making you invite my kid. I’m certainly not asking you to host, am I?
