Humor | Satire
I’m the Random Five-Year-Old at the Playground Who’s Going To Follow You and Your Toddler Around All Day, So Get Used to It
Hey mister, mind if I obsessively stalk you?
Hi there, mister. I see you are responsible for watching your toddler at the playground this morning.
Boy, he really keeps you on your toes, sprinting around all wobbly like that. I bet it takes a lot of work and concentration to keep him from hurting himself, huh mister?
Say, I’ve got an idea.
How about I follow the two of you around and relentlessly demand your attention to complicate things as much as possible?
No?
Wonderful. You’ll hardly even notice I’m here except when I’m shouting interminable stories, which will be every waking second until I drive you from the playground. Speaking of stories, mister, here’s one that you’ll absolutely love because it has no discernible beginning, middle, or end, no followable plot, and all the characters sort of meld together into one meta-character who you are pretty sure I’m calling “Auntie Laundry.”
This is going to be so fun!
