Kids React to FDA Vaccine Approval: It’s About Fucking Time

Photo by Hakan Nural on Unsplash

The FDA approved a lower dose of Pfizer’s Covid-19 vaccine for five to eleven-year-olds today. How do area kids feel about getting the jab?

“It’s about fucking time,” said Ava Phillips, age nine, speaking from the bedroom where she was waiting for the health department to lift the quarantine on her fourth-grade class.

“Past fucking time,” agreed six-year-old Noah Ortez, the only kid in his first-grade class still wearing a mask to school. “I mean, they opened bars for grownups, what, a year ago, and I still can’t go to Chuck-E-Fucking-Cheese? Seriously?”

Other popular activities kids look forward to returning to once vaccinated include “sleepovers,” “the grocery store,” “that Ninja course place all my friends have already been to,” “playdates anywhere but another goddamn park,” and “just seeing what the inside of someone else’s house looks like, you know?”

Zoey Auburn turns twelve in December, but she’s not waiting on an adult dose of the vaccine. “We’ve waited, what, a year longer than the grownups already? Fuck that shit. Mom, give me your phone. We’re fucking doing this.”

“Yeah, sign me the fuck up,” agreed Daniel Robbins, age seven, who’s been unable to attend school in person for nearly two years because of a heart defect. “I mean, I’m terrified of needles, but I don’t even fucking care anymore. Needles can’t be worse than another fucking educational YouTube singalong.”

One rare dissenting voice was Hannah Gold, age four. “You mean my goddamned six-year-old brother can get the vaccine and I can’t? That’s some fucking bullshit right there.”

Most area parents were unavailable for comment. “I just don’t want to rush this,” admitted one mother who declined to be identified. “I mean, I hear there’s a one in a thousand chance of a rare side effect that’s only a hundred times less serious than actually getting Covid. So I don’t know, maybe I’ll wait until spring.”

Then she looked around the room and asked, “Has anyone seen my phone?”

Follow Frazzled on Twitter and Instagram!