Lesser Known Unboxing Toys
Move over, LOL! These sassy dolls are here to remind you of that one thing you overlooked. Meet Overdue Bill Jill! Discover Fundraising Deadline Frieda! Or maybe you’ll get that Ultra-Rare cutie, April TaxesDue. Kids will want to collect all of these nudging neophytes, so don’t be tardy for this party!
You’ve heard of Hatchimals, but now play midwife to their placenta-coated cousins. Kids love slime, and these creatures are simply dripping in it! Wipe ’em down or keep ’em soaking — just be careful of the umbilical stump.
Ryan Phillippe’s World*
Laugh and play with the adorable guy who never ages! Mom (and some dads) have been wanting this package for decades, and now they’re free to pass this lust down to a new generation. Kids will delight in the uncruel intentions of this timeless hottie as they unwrap actual props from 54 and I Know What You Did Last Summer.
(*Reese Witherspoon’s World Sold Separately, And For A lot More)
Last Minute Shopkins
Tiny collectible items that kids will recognize from mom and dad’s many lame attempts to cover for their own forgetfulness. The drugstore Valentine’s candy looks just like the one dad hastily bought on his way home from work! The cheap bottle of wine is a replica of the one purchased on the way to the dinner party no one wanted to attend! Some lucky kids will even get the ultra-rare re-gifted candle. These little trinkets are just as thoughtless as the real thing — but miniature.
White Supremacist Color Reveal
The package shows a white doll, but dip it into water and watch as it magically transforms. From eggshell to cream to winter white, kids of racist parents will marvel over the rich array of Caucasian that unfolds before their very eyes. Just look for the package with the burning cross on the label.
It looks like an ordinary cup, but just add water to see what sprouts: Indica or Sativa. Kids will be confused and a little annoyed over what they get, but dad will sure be happy to not have to text his usual guy and meet him outside in the cold like mom demands.
(*Only legal for recreational purposes in fifteen states)
Waning Trend Friends
Why wait a few years to get nostalgic? With this fresh take on the unboxing craze, kids get to see their tween questioning of their past purchases a few years early. Pikmi Pops, Num Noms, Tic Tac Toy — unbox all the popular unboxing brands for an early taste of this fad gone by. It’s like a middling garage sale from 2023 in one brightly colored box!
Pack of Batteries
It’s a pack of batteries. Try not to use your teeth.