Local Mom In Stable Condition After Participating in PTA-Sponsored Skate Night
Becca Cohen, a 36-year-old mother of two, is in stable condition after making the catastrophic decision to lace up a pair of roller skates and participate in her daughter’s elementary school skate night.
“The other parents warned me that it was a bad idea, but how could I resist?” Cohen explained from her hospital bed. “Sure, I’m covered in bruises, tore my ACL, and suffered a mild concussion, but it was absolutely worth it to relive my childhood for ten glorious minutes while skate-dancing to Spice Girls.”
Dr. Harry Goldblatt, who treated Cohen, attributes her extensive injuries to a combination of age, poor coordination, and a general lack of exercise, despite her penchant for exclusively dressing in workout clothes.
“I don’t know what she was thinking, really,” Dr. Goldblatt reported. “She certainly has a misplaced sense of confidence for an individual who never advanced to rollerblades in her youth.”
According to PTA President Allison Abrams, who organized the event, Cohen cornered the DJ and demanded he stick to a late-90s playlist, despite the children’s continued requests for the Encanto soundtrack.
“We told her Skate Night was meant to be an activity for the kids, but she kept insisting, ‘You’re only as…
