Medieval Parents Didn’t Trust Science, and Their Kids Turned Out Fine
Some even lived to adulthood!
If you took the average lifespan of someone living in the 1500s, adjust that for inflation, of course, people are now living longer. People these days live past 40 because our immune system has strengthened over generations to protect us like a suit of armor. I expect my child’s generation to live past 140 years old. It’s not science, it’s just nature. Let’s not give those science nerds too much credit.
I let my kids eat dirt. So what? Dirt builds their immune systems. My child will pick up a clump of dirt and chow it down. The dirtier, the better. Every dirt particle supercharges their bodies to fight off viruses — no wimpy vaccines needed. The good folks of Medieval Europe lived in dirty villages, huddled in close proximity. They were just sneezing, coughing, and farting on each other. Our ancestors were creating a hyperimmune system, and no one lectured them on their health. When you got kicked in the ribs by a horse, you learned your lesson.
Sanitizers are all over the place these days. Sanitize here, sanitize there. Enough already! Greasy layers of ooze make us weaker. I’m not putting that stuff on my kid. In fact, I’ll make him pour it out on the floor if I see him squirt it on his hands. Germs are friends. The masses living in castles understood that. You would throw your excrement in the street; no time wasted flushing the toilet. Villagers felt so strongly about living in these comfy quarters, that they’d have their livestock live in their home with them. How do you think herd immunity was created?
Speaking of animal family members, you could eat whatever you want. My son and I only eat chicken fingers, yet we don’t know where they’re coming from. Food processing factories have quality measures, and governments apparently have their standards, but how can they be trusted? Back in those days, you’d get your food straight from the source. You lived with that cow; you know it’d make a fine hamburger. So, if my child gets invited to another birthday party, I’m showing up chewing on the juiciest lamb’s leg, letting the grease drip down my chin. Jackson’s mom won’t know what hit her when she brings out that tray of cucumber sandwiches.
I disagree with you; the 21st century is more dangerous. If these high and mighty people told Lancelot how he ought to take care of his kid, he’d trample them with his horse. People in those days knew how to handle themselves. When I bring a sword to a School Board meeting, security stops me at the door. I don’t intend on using it, but I want educators to know their overreaching for student vaccines is rubbish. They just think they’re better because of their book smarts, but high literacy rates made us too smart for our own good.
The 1500s were a simpler time. There wasn’t so much misinformation spread all over the place. The Catholic church was the only source of information in those days. You have a problem like being malnourished or the black plague, you went straight to Church. Now, everyone has an opinion. I blame the internet for that. Al Gore and his kooky friends opened Pandora’s Charm Box by letting everyone throw their opinion out there. Back then, these “woke” mobs would’ve been burned at the stake if they tried canceling the church.
I was vaccinated as a child, and I still get sick. What do you eggheads think of that? I’m not protected against every strand of the flu. If I eat raw chicken, I get violently ill. It’s not like we have Wizards, like Merlin, who could cast spells to make us feel better. The alchemists of 15th century Europe were like the Instagram Influencers of their day. And like every influencer, everyone should listen to them. Who do you trust more here? The CDC or Gwyneth Paltrow. Gwyneth hasn’t aged since the mid-’90s, so duh, she’s doing something right.
If scientists really wanted to impress me, they should build a time machine for me to travel back to the Middle Ages. I accept that there’s no WIFI then — I just hope their dial-up internet works fine. I’d fit in better, living in peace and good health, with no one looking their snouts down at me.
And we thought they lived in the Dark Ages.
