Humor | Satire
Mom is Devastated When Older Friend Lets Slip that Winter “Break” Isn’t Real
The illusion is shattered
In preparation for winter break, a thirty-seven-year-old mother began adding holiday romcoms to her watch list and fantasizing about pedicures as her days “off” approached. She knew this “break” was going to be magical — full of HIIT workouts that left her feeling rejuvenated and quiet talks over tumblers of red wine with her spouse next to the Christmas tree.
At precisely 4:12 AM the Night Before Winter Break, she heard something. Was it hooves? Was it a delivery of fresh-baked scones from the new bakery down the street?
“Mama, there are LIONS in my room!” shouted a voice.
Pulling her mouthguard out, she ran to her daughter’s room. An hour later, the kindergarten child had finally returned to a slumber. Exhausted, the mom slunk back to her room, plunked her now-dry mouthguard back in, and decided today was not the day to embark on a new routine of squats and push-ups.
When she jolted awake at 6:32 AM to “Mama, I’m awaaaa-aaaaake,” she texted her work colleague. A woman she looked up to, slightly older, whose children were now grown.
“What the heck?” she wrote. “I’m supposed to be on break.”
“I hate to be the one to tell you,” her coworker said. “But someone has to. You’re not getting a break.”
The barely awake mom, shocked, started texting other friends. “Do you believe in break? Are you getting a break?” She had seen it on Instagram. Glasses of Malbec next to the soft white lights of the Christmas tree.
One friend, who had listened to a Dr. Becky episode on magical thinking, shot back, “What do you believe?”
“I’m so sorry, honey,” her friends said once the truth was out. “We should have told you sooner. You just so wanted to believe.”
“But, but…” the woman collapsed into her pillow in a fit of sobs, the taste of her rancid mouthguard filling her mouth.
Her daughter’s shrieks were increasing in volume. “Mama, there are lions in my room! AND HEDGEHOGS!”
“You LIED to me,” the mom texted her work friend, anger overtaking her. “You told me winter break was REAL.” Her colleague didn’t respond, because presumably, she’d gone back to sleep as her college kids dozed quietly in their rooms.
Later that day, as our disheartened protagonist was sweeping up shredded cheese from the kitchen floor, her phone dinged. A younger mom friend had texted her. She had taken a few days off this week, and — lucky her! — her kids still had school.
“I’m going to get so much done!” she said. “I might even get my hair cut!”
Our now-cynical heroine was torn. She’d glimpsed a National Weather Service alert warning of a blizzard headed toward their city that evening. Conditions so hazardous the airport would close. All week.
She wanted to tell her naive friend the truth, but she didn’t want to be the one to ruin the magic of winter break.
She checked NORAD. No school cancellations yet. What could one little white lie hurt? Didn’t Dr. Becky say that playing along is just engaging in their imaginary world?
“Wow!” she wrote back. “That will be amazing!”
Sure, maybe she hadn’t seen Winter Break with her own eyes, but you’re never too old for the magic and possibility of the season.
Our generous leading lady smiled, kind of, and went back to scraping a half-eaten bowl of chili into the compost.
But wait. Were those jingle bells she heard in the distance? Or perhaps the opening lines of Something From Tiffany’s?
Maybe, just maybe, the schools would stay open after all. Maybe, just maybe, the lions — and hedgehogs — would stay away tonight.
