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Humor | Satire

Mommy, Why Does Santa Need My List by Amazon Prime Day?

She’s too young to know about corporate greed

Philip S. Naudus
Frazzled
Published in
4 min readDec 15, 2024

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Snowy forest background with a cartoon koala in the foreground in a Santa hat sitting at a desk smoking a cigar with piles of cash and coins in front of it.
Milk and cookies are nice, but Santa prefers stock options (Image by Anja/Pixabay/author)

“Mommy, where do Christmas presents come from?”

You freeze, fork suspended in midair. You knew this day would come, but you kept telling yourself you still had time.

“Well…” you begin, “When a Mommy and Daddy… uh… love their child very much…”

Your husband looks up from his coffee, eyes wide, a silent oh no, we’re doing this now?

You clear your throat and continue.

“Sometimes, when a Mommy and a Daddy feel it’s the right time, they decide to… make a present. Together.”

“Together?” Emily’s eyes widen. “Like, how?”

How indeed. You catch your husband’s eye again, silently begging for backup. But he has suddenly become fascinated with his pancakes.

Traitor.

You take a deep breath and forge ahead. “Well… it’s like this. Mommy and Daddy both have a special place where we… uh… get presents.”

“But what about Santa?”

You give your husband an evil glare. Back when your kids were still in diapers, he had panic-lied into an elaborate mythology. A jolly old man…

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Philip S. Naudus
Philip S. Naudus

Written by Philip S. Naudus

High school teacher by day, koala by night. My wife is a cartoonist with a Ph.D., and she co-authors all of these articles.

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