Satire
My Child Doesn’t Watch YouTube
And yours shouldn’t, either
My child doesn’t watch YouTube. Instead she does what children have done for generations. She screams and jumps up and down and throws things at her parents and yells at the neighbors. She demands food all the time and rips up books and breaks crayons, as well as dishes and eyeglasses. This is the nature of childhood. It is what will one day make her a woman.
YouTube is filled with children’s programming created to take advantage of inexperienced parents who aren’t aware that their youngsters need hours and hours of empty time to fill with objectionable behavior. They don’t realize their children are learning all kinds of valuable things from making the lives of everyone around them a living hell. Nor are they aware that YouTube programming is part of the television industry’s plot to create a population of adults who didn’t fill their preschool hours with yanking all the kitchen towels off their hooks and those hooks off the walls, a population of adults who will blindly pay for cable access as soon as they’re old enough to collect a paycheck, because they don’t know any better.
It’s all a scam to get our nation’s youth to grow up bound financially to Netflix, CBS Access, that Peacock thing, and Amazon Prime. Amazon, remember, is in the process of taking…
