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Humor | Parenting
My Daughter’s Bully Apologized — Now What?
I’m not the forgiving type, but she is
The hand-delivered glitter abomination of a sleepover birthday party invitation promises karaoke, gingerbread decorating, a movie, and someone vomiting in the middle of the night.
It didn’t say that last bit, but trust me, every sleepover has one.
I cover my ears against my daughter’s piercing scream of excitement and text my neighbor one block down to apologize to her dogs.
My daughter changed schools this year, and this invitation is from the old school — a developmentally-stunted narcissist whom my daughter adores.
She has terrible taste in people.
I immediately feel my gut reaction, aka my peptic ulcer, aka Pepe, weigh in.
For a few days I sit on this invitation, but on Monday, we bump into the father at gymnastics.
“Hey, is [redacted] coming to the party?” he asks.
My daughter stares at me with cocaine eyes.
“Uh, yeah, totally, sorry — forgot to RSVP. Not sure about the sleepover yet.”
My daughter’s mouth is agape. She looks positively feral.
“Which, uh, kids are coming? It’ll be nice for [redacted] to see the old gang.”
Don’t say Piper. Don’t say Piper. Don’t say Piper.
“Let’s see…Melissa, Cayla, Sarah, Sophie, Lily, Olivia, and — ”
Cunty, bossy, nice, meh, racist mom, precocious, and…
“Who am I missing? Oh yeah, Piper.”
YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH.
“Oh, greaaat, so fun!” My daughter looks at me like she’s about to call me out on the weird voice I’m making so I plug her mouth hole with a granola bar.
You, beloved reader, may remember Piper, and if not, here’s a refresher.
In the last episode of Piper: Patient Zero Pathogen, she pitted my daughter against a friend for an invitation to her birthday party and selected the other resident psycho, Harper, to decide who should win the golden ticket.
