No Judgment, Girl! It’s 2020!
We are soooo in this together!
TO: themominator79@mommymail.com
FROM: jenfreymond@gmail.com
(Sometime during the interminable year of no one’s lord, 2020)
Hey friend,
It’s a weird and scary time, huh? I can barely get myself to do anything at all, especially when it comes to “homeschooling” the kids. I think I’m depressed.:(
Anyway, I would love to hear how you are!
I haven’t showered since Tuesday.
Stay safe,
jen
FROM: themominator79@mommymail.com
Hi Jen!
Great to hear from you! And hey, NO judgment! How are we expected to be productive right now?
I’ve hardly done anything for homeschooling this week either, just had the kids create an above ground garden and plant a bunch of vegetables and herbs. That’s what I’m calling “school” this week. LOL
Ashley
TO: themominator79@mommymail.com
FROM: jenfreymond@gmail.com
Ash,
Wow! A whole garden? Good for you!
Meanwhile, my kids were playing The Sims or some shit on their iPads. I don’t actually know what they’re doing on there.
Jen
FROM: themominator79@mommymail.com
OMG totally no judgment! If surviving means your kids play video games for several hours, whatever!
I can totally relate. My kids don’t play video games (no judgment! It’s just that video games are really bad for kids’ brains), but they are each learning to play a musical instrument and they’re like, so bad so far. Chase can barely get through Beethoven’s 5th on the violin without fucking it up at least once. SMH.
TO: themominator79@mommymail.com
FROM: jenfreymond@gmail.com
Musical instruments, huh? That is exactly like what my kids have been doing if you replace “play” with “scream” and “musical instruments” with “Go to hell, mom!”
I still haven’t showered.
FROM: themominator79@mommymail.com
Oh honey, I’m sorry. I swear my kids hardly do anything and I’m totally useless.
Jodie got up this morning and made homemade pasta from scratch and honestly, the noodles are a little starchy. FAIL.
And you should have seen the shitty dioramas Chase made to represent each of the Russian novels he’s read this month. I’m not sure he even grasped the theme of Crime and Punishment. FML.
TO: themominator79@mommymail.com
FROM: jenfreymond@gmail.com
Are you doing this on purpose?
My kids (who are also 6 and 8… your kids are 6 and 8 right? Did I have that wrong?) are over here running into walls and yelling, “Mom! How do I make toast?”
FROM: themominator79@mommymail.com
Oh my god girl, I hear you. Jodie and Chase spent all day yesterday building an elaborate Rube Goldberg-style irrigation system for the garden. What a pointless thing to make!
TO: themominator79@mommymail.com
FROM: jenfreymond@gmail.com
I increasingly think that you do not hear me.
On the rare occasion that my children make anything, it’s when they take one LEGO and stick another LEGO on it and say, “I made a plane,” and I’m like, “Maybe we could add some more LEGOs?” and they’re like, “Fuck off mom!” and go back to making their sims piss themselves.
I don’t think I even remember how to shower.
FROM: themominator79@mommymail.com
It is a 100% judgment-free zone over here. My kids would never cuss at me (no judgment, it’s just that they totally respect me) but you are not alone! I used to work with kids in juvenile detention and a lot of them cussed at their parents.
My kids did nothing today except harvest veggies that they used to make a casserole which they are donating to the Assisted Care Facility nearby.
I get it, girl. Parenting in 2020 is tough.
TO: themominator79@mommymail.com
FROM: jenfreymond@gmail.com
Hahahaha yeah you totally “get it.” Our kids are the same.
For example, Darrell learned how to spell the word “turd” correctly this week. He has also taken to blowing up the latex gloves we have, sticking the blown-up glove in his crotch and yelling, “Hey mom! I have five penises!” which is, obviously, hilarious.
Wendy has really mastered flipping me off. I guess her little fingers are finally strong enough.
FROM: themominator79@mommymail.com
I am SO not judging you right now!
I’ll write more later, I gotta go deliver this casserole!
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TO: themominator79@mommymail.com
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