Humor | Satire
Old-Fashioned Baby Names That Will Destroy Your Child’s Life
Proceed with caution
No matter what hipsters say, the answer to the plague of Ashlieghs and Oaklies and Jaxxons flooding the market isn’t to name your baby “Walter.”
Sure, we all need an accountant or a drug lord in the family. But let the choice of becoming an accountant or a drug lord be your child’s decision.
Don’t let the course of your child’s life be determined by an article you read on HuffPost about “vintage” baby names while drinking your first cup of decaf coffee after finding out you were pregnant and thinking that maybe having another baby wasn’t worth all the things you’d have to give up. Like caffeine. Or retirement.
America should follow Iceland’s lead when it comes to baby names. They have something called the Personal Names Register, and names must be approved by the Icelandic Naming Committee.
Maybe this would’ve stopped Elon Musk, who has 12 children with three different women, from naming one of his sons X Æ A-Xii Musk, another son Techno Mechanicus, and a daughter Exa Dark Sideræl Musk.
There’s a very fine line between “genius” and “weird,” but that doesn’t mean Elon should have saddled his kids with names like Maude or Edna.
