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Humor | Satire
Operating Manual for a Teenage Boy
Warning: Unit Extremely Volatile
Introduction
Though you are operating the Teenage Boy (TB), the TB is the user. Your TB’s control panel, located in the prefrontal cortex, will unfortunately not be fully functional for several years.
Safety Information
Warning: unit extremely volatile. The TB runs on an internal combustion system that may be externalized suddenly and without warning, causing the slamming of doors, stomping, flinging of objects, shouting, and swearing.
Your TB’s machinery is complex and delicate and accidental damage could affect its behavior for its entire lifespan. The unit may also become hardwired to hate you for weeks, months, years, or even decades.
Getting Started
When your TB powers on in the morning, it will initially be unresponsive. This is the result of a manufacturer’s error that affects virtually all TBs. Commands will have to be input repeatedly. Its system may remain laggy until plugged into a power source such as a phone or video game console.
The TB is purported to be self-assembling, but this is rarely the reality. It forgets to put things in its backpack, misplaces keys…
