Parenting | Humor | Satire

Quiz: Your Baby or Your Schoolyard Bully?

Find out who’s taunting you!

Elizabeth Simone
Published in
1 min readJun 5, 2024


A baby sitting on a mom’s shoulders, gripping her head with a happy expression. The adult appears to be grimacing and struggling.
Photo Credit: Asakawano Creative Commons License
  1. They kick you.
  2. They sit on you.
  3. They pull your hair.
  4. They grab your glasses off your face.
  5. They throw your glasses to the ground.
  6. They call you “four-eyes.”
  7. They laugh in your face.
  8. They smear their boogers on your face.
  9. They snap your bra strap.
  10. You are forced to smell their farts.
  11. They continue their behaviors even after you ask them politely to stop.
  12. You tell yourself that one day they’ll grow out of it, but right now that’s hard to imagine.
  13. You wish your parents could take care of them for you, but that might not be a good idea.
  14. Before you know it, they’ve made off with your spending money.

Answer Key

1–14: Your schoolyard bully.

1–5, 7–14: The adorable, precious, innocent baby you’ve devoted all your time, money, and energy to for the past eight months who if they suddenly blurted out “four-eyes!” you would likely jump up and down in excitement over such advanced first words.

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Elizabeth Simone

Words in The Belladonna, The Weekly Humorist, Greener Pastures, Slackjaw, Points In Case, Little Old Lady Comedy. IG: @comic__diary