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The Five Worst Things My Kids Have Done To Me In Public

So far…

5 min readMar 11, 2025

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A toddler walking on a wet pavement, her face obscured by a large green umbrella
Photo author’s own

I am mother to two daughters, Ava aged five, and Ivy, nearly two. They look like sweet, blonde angels. Here is a list of the five worst things they have done to me in public, to date.

Coughing in a supermarket

This sounds innocuous, but it was May 2020.

I was fully masked up, trying to locate some toilet roll and maybe if I was lucky, a bottle of hand gel. My eldest daughter, Ava, just six months at the time, suddenly found that she could cough, on demand. She was very pleased with herself!

Nobody was demanding that particular performance at the time but undeterred she proudly practiced her new skill all the way around the shop. I couldn’t distract or deter her no matter what I tried.

In the end, I settled for shaking my head at people who passed us, while rolling my eyes slightly in an attempt to communicate that she wasn’t really coughing and that I had not brazenly brought a plague-infected infant into a public space.

In my head, I was reassuring people, but judging by the way they recoiled and swerved to avoid us I think I looked like a woman with some sort of facial tic walking a COVID-riddled baby around a…

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Sarah FitzGerald
Sarah FitzGerald

Written by Sarah FitzGerald

I write funny things about parenting and well researched things about linguistics

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