The Paranoid Parent’s Daily Coronavirus Checklist

How to protect your family in the time of Coronavirus (satire!)

Lisa Chesser
Mar 15 · 2 min read
Photo by CDC on Unsplash

This daily checklist provides paranoid parents with an action plan to protect their families in the time of Coronavirus. NOTE: This is satire! Feel free to laugh at the insanity for a moment then you can return to your own brand of paranoia.

  1. Read and watch latest news online to ensure full paranoia sets in.
  2. Set up automatic sprinklers above front door and enable with sanitizing spray.
  3. Wash hands.
  4. Check children’s backpacks to ensure each pocket has hand wipes and hand sanitizer.
  5. In car rides to school, ensure children’s paranoia sinks in by repeating, “No human contact,” and by listening to the news.
  6. After morning drop offs, put face mask on and empty the local store aisles of water, toilet paper, gloves, and sanitizers.
  7. Wash hands. Text family to also wash hands.
  8. Check Amazon and other online stores for more supplies. Order everything that’s left.
  9. Sanitize the children’s rooms then the entire house.
  10. Wash hands.
  11. Wash bed sheets with bleach.
  12. Wash hands.
  13. Wash dog.
  14. Wash hands. Text family to also wash hands.
  15. Clean door handles 10 more times.
  16. Repeat if time allows.
  17. Buy batteries and more face masks then fill up the truck with gas just in case this is the apocalypse.
  18. Wash hands. Text family to also wash hands.
  19. Pick up children and send them to remove clothes and shower immediately.
  20. Wash hands.
  21. Sanitize cars and wash children’s clothes.
  22. Wash hands.
  23. If children are at home, keep them at home — do not allow them to go anywhere except the backyard.
  24. If spouse and/or partner must leave the house for work, send to shower and remove clothes for sanitation ritual when arriving home.
  25. Wash hands.
  26. Take everyone’s temperature and use stethoscope to their chest while they cough several times before bed.
  27. Wash hands.
  28. Repeat tomorrow. Add more items after reading and watching the news.

*Inspired by my mother’s midnight texts and the news. Try not to make your family crazy during this tough time. It will be difficult, but please try to ease their fears right after you wash your hands and remind them to wash theirs just one more time.

Lisa Chesser

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Writer, Editor, and Award-Winning Educator — brandishing words while becoming and connecting at



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