Things That Ruin Sleep for a Middle-Aged Parent
You’re going to need a stronger white noise machine
A bird chirping three towns away.
Your partner’s presence.
Worrying about what your kids are doing online.
Worrying about what your parents are doing online.
The temperature in your bedroom shifting by one-tenth of a degree.
That coffee you drank at noon.
Your single brother texting you his Wordle score at 2 a.m.
That wine you drank with dinner.
Growing fear that exercise really is the answer.
Picturing your teens driving.
Picturing your parents driving.
Worrying about something you said to a neighbor at a pre-pandemic block party.
Thinking about your savings and hoping colleges offer Roblox scholarships.
Wondering when your melatonin will kick in.
That scotch you drank while rewatching “The Sopranos.”
The Flaming Hot Cheetos you stole from your kids’ lunchboxes to pair with that scotch.
The sneaking suspicion that you may have a drinking problem.
