Satire
URGENT: Winter Holiday Message
National Mother Service Detroit/Ann Arbor MI
1241 PM EST Thu Dec 22 2022
…A HOLIDAY STORM WARNING REMAINS IN EFFECT FROM 7 PM THIS EVENING TO 4 AM EST CHRISTMAS DAY…
* WHAT…Big attitudes expected. Total accumulations of jealousy 2 to 4 inches. Tempers gusting as high as 50 mph.
* WHERE…Kitchen, Dining Table, Girls' Bathroom, and Basement TV Couch.
* IMPACTS…Daughters will become very difficult. The hazardous conditions will impact holiday weekend enjoyment. Strong winds of anger may bring down high hopes and cause scattered bouts of yelling.
* ADDITIONAL DETAILS…The arrival of an arctic cold shoulder after evening Hannukah present unwrapping will result in flash flooding of emotional conditions overnight tonight. Very cold sisterly relations then persist into the weekend with wind chills dropping to around 20 degrees below zero at times Friday and Saturday. Scattered big sister effect with teasing and pinching may bring additional light aggravations into Saturday.
PRECAUTIONARY/PREPAREDNESS ACTIONS…
If you must attend the holiday with your children, keep extra patience, food, and CBD in case of an emergency. Reach out to friends and loved ones for advice, if need be, meet them at the top of the mountain with the best view, otherwise known as the This Too Shall Pass.
&&
Leah Klass
Dec. 22, 2022
