We at DILFS of Disney Are Back to Peter Your Pan

Missing you was the hardest part

Jeremy Hooper
3 min readMay 26, 2021


It’s been a long and hard year. Mostly because our ardent fan base has been soft and flaccid while our social media accounts were inactive.

But fresh on the heels of the CDC easing mask mandates, we are pleased to announce even more consequential news for moms, gay dads, and closeted dads everywhere: our award-winning DILFS of Disney Instagram account is back, baby!

For the unacquainted puritans out there, DILFS of Disney is our smartly curated online home wherein a network of intrepid photographers post daily pics of the doting daddies who acquire their Dole Whips while looking hot doing it. Imagine Prince Charming, but with bulging exposed calves. Think real-life Prince Erics hot enough to make you give up your own voice. Picture scruffy dads who wear Buzz Lightyear tanks tight enough to give you a woody.

Our DILFS are dutiful enough to get their Fast Passes, yet beautiful enough to wear shorts that show off their fat asses. For the parent who’s happily ensconced in family life but also not fucking dead, our collection of themed photos is a cool, mouse-eared respite from the mommy blogs and advice podcasts that otherwise fill their online days. The marriage may be monogamous, but their eyes are ready to take a monorail to our hot, steamy Man-imal Kingdom

But with COVID came great sacrifice. And with parks closed from Orlando to Anaheim, we at DILFS of Disney had no choice but to go into lockdown. The House of Mouse may have cranked out both Soul and Raya during this time period, but we at DILFS from Disney were unable to provide you parental looky-loos with a way to crank your chains to fun-loving fathers whose space you’d like to be mountin’. Be it a conventional beauty or sexy beast, we didn’t have even one shot of a country muscle bear flexing his biceps while pushing his costumed toddler toward Frozen Ever After.

Until now. After so many harsh months, our Matterhorn-y Fantasia is back to turn your inner lady into a smutty tramp! We’re ready to bring back these Bjorn-wearing Pirates of the Bare-Thighed-Kingdom. We’re gonna spook you with some Haunted Man-candy. We’ll show you pics of Epcot, but we’re gonna give you big balls other than Spaceship Earth. Our DILFS are unmasked, vaccinated, and ready to bring their sweet cakes to a Mad Tea Party. Nature is healing.

Sure, there might be a change or two as we pivot back. You might see a dad with a mask dangling from his neck, but we promise he’ll still have eyes that fuck. The crowds might be slightly smaller than before, but we vow to find every wide-eyed Nemo sexily fellating a Tomorrowland churro. COVID overeating might have slightly lessened the hottie percentage, but we’re confident that COVID Peloton-ing will make up that difference. Pandemic scars will surely linger for a bit, but our Man-dem-ic will come back stronger and pervier than before.

We’re not sure if the MILFS of Disney account is coming back or even exists, since we DLF them. You’re also on your own if you’re looking for some Universal Studios or LegoLand content, as our particular fetishization is a small world, after all. What we do is dudes. Hot ones. At Disney. And we do it well.

🎶 M-I-C 🎶

See us forking those mouse-shaped waffles.”

🎶 K-E-Y 🎶

Why? Because you like pecs.

🎶 M-O-U-sexy. 🎶

C-ya real soon!

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Jeremy Hooper

Recycled politico who ✍️ hahas for adults (@mcsweeneys, @newyorker @weeklyhumorist, @pointsincase, @frazzledhumor) & future adults (PBs) | Rep UTA