Parenting | Humor
What Dad Says vs. What Dad Means: A Handy Translation Guide
Decoding dad
What Dad Says: “Wanna go for a ride in the car?”
What Dad Means: “I’m going to put you into restraints so you literally cannot move.”
What Dad Says: “You’re doing so great on the potty!”
What Dad Means: “I give it 3 minutes before I’m shoving constipation medicine up your butt.”
What Dad Says: “I have work to do honey. Can’t you play by yourself?”
What Dad Means: “There’s about $1100 worth of f*cking Legos in there.”
What Dad Says: “We don’t have time for a story tonight, darling.”
What Dad Means: “If I can get you to sleep fast I might have time to watch John Wick IV.”
What Dad Says: “Because I said so.”
What Dad Means: “I’m losing this argument.”
What Dad Says: “You did this? All by yourself?”
What Dad Means: “You’re like a Bonobo monkey with a set of markers.”
What Dad Says: “Daddy needs his coffee first.”
What Dad Means: “Daddy needs his coffee first.”
What Dad Says: “Hold on, the bedroom door must have gotten locked somehow.”
What Dad Means: “I’ve got about 30 seconds to finish having sex.”
What Dad Says: “Go ask your mother.”
What Dad Means: “I’m losing this argument.”
What Dad Says: “Find your mom, Daddy has to walk the dog.”
What Dad Means: “I need to get away from you if even for a moment.”
What Dad Says: “Find your mom, Daddy has to do the dishes.”
What Dad Means: “I need to get away from you if even for a moment.”
What Dad Says: “Find your mom, Daddy has to take a shower.”
What Dad Means: “I need to get away from you if even for a moment…and maybe masturbate.”
