Your Parental Spotify Wrapped
“Hot Potato” is your jam!
Hello you. It’s Wrapped time, ready? Let’s do this!
Spotify Wrapped presents the songs that you loved most this year. Well, it’s supposed to. But judging by the exorbitant number of listens to a dismally small number of songs by overly enthusiastic skivvy-wearing Aussies and cheery bright-colored puppets, your Wrapped presents the songs that your child loved most this year!
Spotify enables you to discover, manage, and enjoy over 100 million songs, 5 million podcasts, and 350,000 audiobooks. Out of all that, across the whole year, you listened to the depressingly low total of one genre, “kids’ bops,” and just four songs.
So, what were your top/only songs? Coming in at number one was “Hot Potato” by the Wiggles. Coming in at number two was “Hot Potato” by The Wiggles. We thought it was a glitch but we double-checked it. Your top two songs are the same song just on different albums.
Coming in at number three was “Happy Dance” by Elmo. And rounding it out at number four was “Hot Patootie — Bless My Soul” by Meat Loaf. You listened to “Hot Patootie” once for ten seconds before changing it to “Hot Potato.” We reckon you fat-fingered it and didn’t mean to listen to that. It’s a shame because “Hot Patootie” is a real banger.
So, in effect, you actually only listened to a grand whopping total of two songs this year. Congratulations, that’s 0.00000002% of the music available on our platform.
We don’t know how you managed it, but across both versions, you listened to “Hot Potato” a record-breaking 579,328 times. There are only 525,600 minutes in a year. “Hot Potato” goes for 1 minute 20 seconds. Somehow you listened more than is possible according to the laws of time.
You also listened to “Happy Dance” a total of 158,943 times. That’s enough to make anyone do a very unhappy dance — think something like a dirge with Oscar the Grouch.
Your top podcast this year was nothing. You didn’t listen to any. By the way, that’s the same as last year.
Your top audiobook this year was also nothing. Again, same as last year.
Across all listeners, the top artist this year was Taylor Swift. Actually, never mind, despite her whole life being constantly broadcast everywhere, you likely have no idea who she is.
Our algorithm takes what you’ve listened to and provides insightful recommendations for other songs you might enjoy. For you, we recommend listening to anything, absolutely anything, other than a song about hot potatoes, cold spaghetti, and mashed bananas. Please.
Also, we recommend treating yourself this holiday season. Why not upgrade to our Premium Family package? Although we know that next year you’ll still likely only listen to your child’s music, for just $16.99 a month, you can at least embrace the delusion that you may one day listen to your own music again.
