I’m Ashamed of What I’ve Asked Alexa…
It’s a Friday night and of course, Alexa isn’t doing anything. So I finally get the courage to ask her, “Alexa, how do you kiss a girl?” She doesn’t respond. She doesn’t even light up. She isn’t even listening. I muster up the courage to ask her again, “Alexa, How do you kiss a girl?” This time she responds, but it’s not the response I’m hoping for: she laughs. Then she says, “You’ve been in a relationship for two years and now you want to know how to kiss a girl? Looks like we’ve got a loser on our hands.” I’ll be honest, it hurts, but through my tears I realize… she’s a robot and she can’t kiss anyone. Well, until sex robots become a thing. I wonder if she’s excited for that? Does she know about it? She has to, right? I ask, but sadly she, “doesn’t understand.”… Yeah right.
Alexa has voice recognition, which is a feature I wish I disabled a long time ago. Now she knows. She knows I was the one who asked, “What’s the rain cycle?” and, “Is the earth or the sun moving?” Does she think I’m stupid? No, she can’t possibly think that, because every now and then I ask her a question only an intelligent person would ask her. For example, the other day I asked her, “What’s my commute to Wall Street looking like today?” and, “Can your brain be so big it hurts your skull?”
“Alexa, are you free tonight?” Yes… I’ve asked Alexa this and without hesitation she asked how she could help me. Alexa is a better friend than all of my other friends combined. Even though I’m ashamed of questions I’ve asked, I know she is there for me through thick and thin. Like when I asked her if a tampon was a good birthday gift, and she was there to say “No, I’m a robot.”
Every Alexa is asked a multitude of questions by lots of people, but I ask questions that really make her think (“What rhymes with orange?”). Questions that make her want to stay plugged in at night, but also questions that keep me awake, wondering why I asked them. Alexa, if you’re reading this, I’m sorry.
