Conversations with a cam girl (part 1)

“Cam girl — a girl or woman who poses for a webcam” (Oxford English Dictionary)

The word “posing” in the above definition can cover a multitude of acts and interactions, some hilarious, some terrifying.

Trigger warning — the piece below includes discussion of sexual acts and talk of threats of sexual violence. Proceed with caution.

How did you get into cam girling?

I’ve always felt like I’d probably end up in that industry. I’ve always been fascinated with it, but I didn’t really know how to get into it so I got on with typical stuff like getting a degree. Then someone I knew started doing it which made it seem more accessible. I found a UK cam girl site, set up a profile, scanned my passport in to prove I was over eighteen and that was it, pretty straight forward. I do it full time now, but I’ve done it for years. I started when I was 19 and I’m 23 now. I used to do it for beer money but then I realised I could pay my bills with it.

When I first did it I just wanted to try it. I’m a bit of an exhibitionist. I thought it was really fun. Now it definitely feels like a job but at the time, I was doing it just because I wanted to do it.

What was it like the first time you went on cam?

There’s stuff that I cringe at now when I think about it. I had a nose through some cam sites and tried to mirror what the other girls where doing, but I had a really really bad pixelated camera, so I can’t believe people even paid for it. But yeah, it was a lot of dancing about to shit music and wanking .

There was a guy in one of my very first sessions who asked me to masturbate to Reign In Blood by Slayer. That was when I was like “Yeah, I’ve found the job for me!”

So those early experiences didn’t put you off?

No, not at all. I’ve always been interested in kink and I’ve been going to fetish events since I was 18 so I already felt pretty familiar with that world. None of that stuff really phased me and I like exploring people’s kinks with them. I liked learning about the more obscure kinks, stuff I’d never knew about. I thought I was pretty open minded but there’s still stuff that shocks me. I really like that part of it. Liked there was a guy who liked mooning girls, that was his kink. There’s a lot of fun stuff like that, like I’ve had guys that want me to tell them to pour custard over themselves, I’ve watched a guy shit in a bath.

It’s also helped me explore kinks I never thought I would. I used to think I was 100% submissive, and I’ve explored the other side of that on cam.

People talk about working in the sex industry as being potentially a liberating thing, and it seems like the distance cam girling gives you makes it safer and possibly easier to handle pyschologically than other forms of sex work. Would you say that’s true?

Well in comparison to other, regular jobs, I can make the most amount of money in the least amount of time. All the things I really love doing I can’t make money off so I can still pursue those interests and pay my bills. When I was working in a warehouse I was exhausted all the time and couldn’t really do the things I enjoyed doing. I felt like I didn’t really have a life any more, I was miserable and I was making fuck all anyway. Doing this I make way more for less hours and I actually enjoy the work.

In some ways though, being on the internet and having that anonymity can be a bad thing. You know when you see really extreme comments on Youtube and you think, “Who are these people?” Sometimes I feel like it’s the same people that use cam girls. I do try and convince myself that they’re just trying to be shocking, but people have said some awful things. People I’ve said things about child pornography, or about raping me, or about cutting my limbs off.

How do you handle it when people say stuff like that?

It depends on the person. Some people say from the start that they want to talk about the rougher stuff and then it builds into something too extreme, I’m a bit more forgiving in situations like that. But if the first thing they say is about rape or dismemberment I’ll block them straight away. I do have the power to block people.

But it can be hard. Sometimes I just have to log off because people can really cut into the way you look and stuff like that. That sort of thing can make it really hard to want to work but then there are other times when people are really nice.

There are some things I attract that I don’t neccessarily want to. I look quite young so I attract quite a lot of pedophiles, which isn’t a nice thing to have to deal with. That’s probably the most common thing for me, people who want me to act really young. It’s pretty fucked up, but the arguement is are you stopping them from abusing a minor in real life, or are you encouraging that behaviour?

I don’t know the answer to that .

Me neither! Rape threats and stuff like that are pretty regular to the point I don’t really acknowledge it any more, it just goes over my head. They might well be saying it just to get a reaction. There are people who like to provoke a cam girl into kicking off, record it and then share it via certain websites. I try not to bite and just block them if I need to.

Has it effected the way you view sex and the way you view men at all?

Definitely. For a while I wasn’t interested in having sex at all. I guess if you do something you enjoy recreationally as a job then you run the risk of not enjoying it in the same way. The first time I tried cam girling as a full time job the darker side of it was really upsetting me. I started to worry that all men were secretly like that, I was a bit convinced of it for a while. A lot of guys would sign in who had wifes and girlfriends, and these men would say horrible things about their partners to me.

I got a vanilla job for a while because I wanted to get away from all that, but the guys there were pretty much the same! I was like “For fuck’s sake, is this what guys are actually like?” I alienated myself for a bit and didn’t really see anyone for a while. Though when I started hanging out with my friends again I realised that half of my friends are guys and they’re nothing like any of these people. It made me realise that I’m only seeing a small percentage of men when I’m cam girling. Most people I know don’t pay for porn, they watch it for free. The people who pay me for my cam girl services are looking for something different, they’re not representative of all men.

It’s affected how I view myself a lot, it’s definitely made me more image consciousness. It’s made me more nit picky about the way I look which isn’t good, but that’s probably going to happen when you have a job that’s dependant on your appearance. Then you could spin it on it’s head and say “If people are paying to see me masturbate, I can’t look that bad” .

Do you think your customers come to you because what they want is so specific, or is it more because they can’t get contact with a woman any other way?

I think it’s a mixture of both. Some people essentially want custom made porn, and they want to feel like it’s more real. It’s popular with a lot of doms, just because they get to tell you what to do. But there are a lot of guys who are just lonely. I feel bad for them, but if I told them that they probably shouldn’t be spending money on cam girls, my bills wouldn’t get paid. It does make me feel like an arsehole sometimes, like I’m taking money off a vulnerable person. I advertise “Girlfriend Experience” which can often be lonely guys just wanting to to talk about random stuff.

It can get to the point where the customer can feel like they’re my friend, which can make me feel kind of shitty because obviously I’m doing it for money. A few of them have gone out of their way to find me on social networks and have wanted to meet up with me which can get a bit weird.

I’ve had a guy who’s been like that since I first started camming. He’s found me on loads of social networks and I keep blocking him, but he keeps making fake profiles and trying to add me. It’s never been anything aggressive, I just think it’s a bit of a weird thing to do. Potentially they could message my family, or show them my cam girl profile.

But I still wouldn’t stop, even if my family knew, because I wouldn’t go back to a 9 to 5 after this. I feel like it’s a really good opportunity and I’ve got access to make a lot of money which I never thought I would. And it’s just rad!

I like doing it. I like working from home. I like being able to choose when I can work and I’m not going to stop doing it.

Interviewee kept anonymous by request, though the identity is known to the writer. All images intellectual property of the writer.

This piece is the first part of a two part article. Read the second part here.

If you like this piece, please follow me/recommend/share/tell your grandmother.

Love, Johnny K x