Cliches I Hate Worse Than Liver
Prepare for some verbal savagery.
“It’s a cliché that most cliches are true, but then like most cliches, that cliché is untrue.” Stephen Fry
Words obviously mean little or nothing to us anymore. We say whatever comes into our silly little heads. Vocabulary has become such an over-used assortment of cliches, expressions, and stock phrases, we don’t need etymologists. The origins don’t matter. It’s just gibberish dressed up as, frankly, gibberish.
We use so many nonsensical expressions, I doubt AI will need more than a few hours to duplicate our thinking. It can pick up ten or twelve of these chestnuts and pretty much replicate any speech given in the Senate or Congress.
Human speech is about as interesting as a sparrow sneezing.
I suspect AI is already bored with it all. It’s probably more interested in the varying warbles of a local sparrow or chickadee. At least the tonal ups and downs offer some variety. Human speech is about as interesting as a sparrow sneezing.
I’d, therefore like to take this opportunity to review and insult some of the most irritating expressions, since their usage is as common as “hen’s teeth,” which used to mean “rare,” but now we don’t care if hens have teeth or not.
Let’s start with what I’ll call “the reliables,” meaning I can rely on them being used in every newscast, whether it’s international affairs or a lost dog.
Baked-In: Supposedly, “baked in” started as an ingredient necessary to baking. Then along came some financial guy claiming Google’s acquisition of a company meant their experience was already “baked in.” Next thing you know, the whole investment and tech world goes into a “baked-in” frenzy, and newscasters couldn’t resist using it themselves. Now everything is “baked-in,” including Putin’s invasion of Ukraine. It really makes you want to take phrasal verbs out and shoot them.
Unpack: In the course of one newscast, I heard a commentator use “unpack” three times. I know it means to “examine something in detail,” but if you haven’t done that already, it hardly helps to tell us you’re doing it now. We’re more likely to go to another station where, hopefully, they’ve unpacked already.
So saying “Let’s drill down on this” makes you equally suspect, not to mention a bit of a twit.
Drill Down: When a presenter says “Let’s drill down on this,” it reminds me of Richard Nixon saying, “Let me be perfectly clear.” If you haven’t been perfectly clear up to that point, what exactly have you been doing? We know Nixon was lying through his teeth (even when he was being perfectly clear). So saying “Let’s drill down on this” makes you equally suspect, not to mention a bit of a twit.
We’re Talking Robust: Investment analysts are always using “robust” like somehow that’s all we need to know about a stock or company. It’s like someone saying “We sell a quality product.” Compared to what? It’s a weaselly word. Just like “We’re talking robust.” How do I know you mean “strong, healthy” and not “full-bodied and flavourful”? Who wants “full-bodied and favourable” stocks?
Late Breaking News: Someone in a newsroom somewhere decided they should add “Late” to “Breaking News,” figuring it would give them a leg up on other breaking news. If news is breaking, isn’t it already the latest? It’s like saying “The newest birth.” All births are new. You can’t get any newer.
At First Blush: People who say “At first blush…” really need to shut up. We all have “first blushes.” The reason we’re listening to you is so we don’t have “first blushes” of our own. Besides, nobody needs to hear your stream of consciousness. It’s why Virginia Woolf killed herself. She got tired of thinking out loud. So, please, get to the point and forget “first blushes.” The dog needs a walk.
If they really are “learned,” they’ll recognize you as a tailwagger and catch a cab out of there.
In Your Learned Opinion: Besides being a tad patronizing, you’re already asking their opinion with the question. If you didn’t want their opinion, you should’ve just said, “Could you please reiterate what we’ve mentioned already?” Once they’ve reiterated, you can say, “Do you share that opinion?” If they really are “learned,” they’ll recognize you as a tail-wagger and catch a cab out of there.
Triggering Events: Whenever a newscaster says “triggering events,” I’m reminded of an old journalism teacher saying, “Avoid the cliches. It makes you sound cheap and sleazy.” Judging from the number of times I hear “triggering events,” I can see why Trump calls news organizations “cheap and sleazy.” We disagree on most things, but I think he’s got the media pegged.
Don’t Get Me Wrong: Why does everyone qualify an opinion by saying, “Don’t get me wrong” or “Not you, obviously”? If you’re so worried you’ll offend someone, stop talking altogether. We have too many opinions as it is. Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure you’ve got some good opinions, but shut up, anyway.
Sure, it sounds stupid. So does “going to the mat.” The next time someone say that, put them in an arm lock and don’t let go.
Going To The Mat: This term comes from wrestling, meaning to hold your opponent down for the count. Now it’s used to describe someone being totally committed. I’m waiting for someone to say “We really need to full-nelson this bill at the next senate debate.” Sure, it sounds stupid. So does “going to the mat.” The next time someone says that, put them in an arm lock and don’t let go.
In Conclusion: Every journalist and newscaster needs an “out,” but like my old journalism teacher used to say, “The worst way to end something is with, In Conclusion.” He’s right, of course. You might as well say, “I guess I’ll be off.”
Well, I won’t do that.
I said off the top that I hate cliches worse than liver. If I could, I’d take all the cliches, wrap them in liver, and feed them to a hippopotamus at the zoo. There’s a rule about feeding the animals, though. They’ve probably been sickened in the past by people tossing them Cheese Doodles or Snickers.
That’s what I think of cliches, expressions, and idioms. They’re all Cheese Doodles and Snickers. They’re unhealthy. They make us fat and ugly.
We need to go on a cliché-free diet.
Robert Cormack is a novelist, short story writer, blogger and journalist. His work is now free here on Medium. His first novel “You Can Lead A Horse To Water (But You Can’t Make It Scuba Dive)” is available online through Simon & Schuster. I’ve even learned Walmart is selling “good, used copies.” His stories and articles are also available at robertcormack.net
