Do You Value Yourself Correctly?
How to address this problem that pushes us back by miles
A friend of mine reached out to me. Her marriage was falling apart. She had a one-year-old kid. She used to be my colleague at work in earlier times but had left her job since then to concentrate on ‘family’ life.
“How are you thinking of leaving your home town and start working in another city? That too with a kid? All alone’ I gasped. I am all for gutsy women but this seemed to be crazy.
‘I am sure Drashti’, she replied with calm ‘I have thought this through. My husband is awesome as a person but there are a few things that are important to me and are not compatible. I can’t live life like this. Just because I made a mistake doesn’t mean I get stuck with it.’
Well. Here is a woman who knew how to respect herself in her personal life. It is admirable. I believe do what it takes to make a relationship work, but the day it starts crossing your self-respect, always look out for your self-respect above everything else.
I was recommending the same friend for a job in other cities. She got some calls but somehow never converted. ‘Why,’ I asked flabbergasted. Her exposure and experience were great. She was talented, creative, and sincere. ‘I have a two years break ya.’ ‘Who will want me professionally’ she responded matter-of-factly.
I sighed. If she didn’t value herself, what was the chance of any recruiter valuing her? I don’t know why but professionally, I see several people, many women just undervaluing themselves. Assuming that they are not enough. Assuming that ‘How can I ask? What if?’
It infuriates me. I almost yelled at my friend. I told her the two-year break has contributed to making her a well-rounded person. She has become a fantastic mother and has been mentally strong. She needs to convert her break into her strength. And that starts by not feeling guilty.
I asked her to quote at least a 40 percent salary hike. ‘Woah! What,’ she exclaimed. She thought she doesn’t deserve it. ‘Had you left the company and joined a new one, wouldn’t you have expected this hike,’ I asked. ‘Yes, but it’s been two years, she exclaimed. ‘So pick up from where you left off, I said confidently.
She hesitated but then saw my point. It’s not just her, I have spent a lot of my energy convincing my other friends to not settle for less. Someone wants to settle for average pay, someone else for an average profile, someone else for an average dream.
All because they do not value themselves. They feel something is lacking. That they are not worth it.
I have passed this stage in life. Severe under confidence due to overweight. Lurking at the back, hoping to be invisible, low expectations. Everything.
But then I realized if I don’t value who I am, how brilliant I am, how capable I am, how can ANYONE ELSE trust me at all? Why will they? Would I? Nope.
I don’t come from the trendiest B-School of India, nor do I have exceptional skills. If you hear my story, I am a pretty average person who has been able to convert her opportunities successfully because she believes she’s the best.
Whoever you are, wherever you are, whatever your circumstances, always, always, always know your value. That will help you:
- Know when to walk away from something
- Pick your battles for a fight
- Know what to ask/expect and demand
Thus, the net result will be that you will not have a single regret. Because you will live the life that you deserve.
