Be Present in The Moment

A Surprising Piece of Advice

Shortly before my wedding day, I was given the strangest piece of advice…I was simply told, “Pay attention during your wedding ceremony; It’ll help you remember it better.”

I was flabbergasted! Duh, of course I’m going to pay attention — it is MY wedding day after all!

How absurd…

Although I didn’t take much stock in the advice, I eventually found myself replaying it over and over again in my mind.

Then my wedding day arrived…

Throughout the ceremony, I caught my thoughts drifting. One moment, I was focused on my racing heartbeat; the next I found myself interested in the way the sunlight was reflecting off the stained-glass window in the church. I was lost in my own thoughts.

Then, all of a sudden, the advice I had received earlier in the week came in to focus, and I realized just how distracted I truly was.

What was I doing? This was my wedding day and I was missing it…

That is the moment I realized I had been given the most important wedding gift ever.

As a result, I now have beautiful memories of my wedding day.

One such memory was from the processional. My young niece was the flower girl and did a great job until about half-way down the aisle when she realized that everyone was watching her. She immediately bolted the rest of the way, heading straight to her mother. She buried her head in her mother’s embrace to block out all the “prying” eyes around her.

While this wasn’t like anything we had practiced during rehearsal, it is definitely a cherished memory!

However, the best “clip” of the ceremony came when I looked in to my soon-to-be-husband’s eyes. I could see — and feel — the love and excitement they reflected. Nothing else in the world mattered at that moment!

No video recorder can capture these moments as beautifully as they are in my memory!

It is amazing what being present in the moment can do, and I am VERY thankful for that advice.

“Use your precious moments to live life fully every single second of every single day.”

Marcia Wieder

Obliviously Present

Have you noticed how busy everyone is?

Whether at work or at home, we seem to always pack in as much as we can. Through all of this activity and time pressures, we have developed methods to help us survive. One of the best: multi-tasking. However, this one doesn’t really work like we think.

Since the brain can only do one thing at a time, when multitasking, we tend to just switch gears between two items very quickly…our mind really isn’t working on both tasks at the same time (although we do a great job convincing ourselves it is!).

In the end, we split our attention and don’t really focus on any one thing for long…and we don’t focus very well.

This is precisely what happens when we don’t live in the moment.

While we are physically present, our mind is somewhere else working on some other problem or issue. The current moment fades to the background of our noisy mind, causing us to lose focus and miss details.

While thinking about things that have already happened or continually working on tackling the next problem, we allow ourselves to no longer “be present.”

In other words, if our lives were on a video, we’d be constantly rewinding or fast-forwarding rather than watching it in real time. While we can’t literally do this, the movie “Spaceballs “ illustrated how this might play out if we could.

Drafting Verbal Responses

One area where people may struggle is when they start “drafting” what they want to say in response to someone even though they are still talking. I know I’ve been on both sides of this one…both the person speaking and the person “drafting.”

I find that this is more apparent when the “drafter” is emotionally invested…either with the topic or issue being discussed…or with the person speaking, such as a family member.

This emotional investment heightens their need to respond quickly, thus they start to formulate their response, but oftentimes a bit prematurely.

To illustrate this, consider the following example:

• Joe: “I’m really concerned about tomorrow. I don’t know if I’m actually ready for this interview.”
• Larry (Joe’s long-time friend): Without speaking, he begins to think about possible responses, such as:
• “You always undersell yourself …so make sure to be confident and don’t show weakness.”
• “Why are you just bringing this up now? I told you I would help you prepare and do practice interviews. Now there is not enough time.”
• Joe (continuing to speak without pause): “I know you said you wanted to help me, but I knew it wouldn’t help. I would just get even more nervous, and I know how my nerves will cause me problems. However, I’m going to head to bed earlier. In the morning, I’m going to review my notes and make a conscious effort to come across as confident.”
• Larry: “Why didn’t you take me up on my offer to help you prepare for your interview? There’s no time now.”

Imagine how Joe must feel at this point. He’s already acknowledged Larry’s offer to help, so it’s clear that Larry tuned out after the first few sentences to focus on his response. This mental drifting resulted in Larry missing key information.

Missing Moments Due to Distractions

Another way we miss out on being present is when our attention is split due to some distraction. Distractions are just that…those annoying nuisances that hijack our thoughts toward unimportant items. While we can’t avoid distractions, we can work to minimize their affect on us, so we don’t miss out on the important moments in life.

When my children were in band, I had the opportunity to attend about two concerts each year. By rough estimates, that means I attended over 20 concerts. The problem is…I can only vaguely recall just a few moments…for all of them combined. Why? That’s easy…I was distracted.

I recall how on most concert nights, we rushed home from work and tried to get some dinner before dashing to the school.

Since I had to get my kids there early for the “pre-concert” warm ups, I was able to sit in the car for a bit to enjoy the peace and quiet… and to try and unwind from the flurry of activity caused by all the rushing.

However, as typically happens when trying to slow down the pace and find some time for myself, I’d typically glance at my watch only to find that it was close to concert time.

So much for peace and quiet!

Determined not to run late again, I would rush into the auditorium, frantically scanning to find a suitable seat where I might get a glimpse of my child on stage.

Knowing that the rushing was done for the night, I would settle into my seat and wait. Unfortunately, the distractions didn’t end there:

• I was distracted by other parents talking…and, yes, this did occur while the kids were playing a song.
• I was distracted since I kept looking to find my child…and craning my neck when those in front of me shifted position, blocking my view.
• I was distracted by the program, which I had to try to angle just right to read it in the dimly lit auditorium and identify the name of the next song.
• I was distracted by continually checking my watch to see how long the concert had been going on and to estimate how much longer it might be.
• During some longer concerts, I was distracted by counting down the songs and tracking the number remaining until the concert would end.

Needless to say, all these distractions meant I was not really “present” during these concerts…and my lack of memories from these concerts makes perfect sense…I wasn’t in the moment and didn’t absorb the precious memories that I should have. My wandering mind didn’t allow the actual concert to register.

I was physically in attendance, but my mind was definitely not there.

The Power of Presence

I’ve always thought I just had a bad memory. I have only a few memories from my childhood…and not too many more from my early adult years. But, I’m starting to understand that my “poor memory” is because I wasn’t really living in the moment.

I tend to analyze past events and plan for those that are upcoming. I’ve had vacations where I can tell you more about the preparations and logistics for the trip than I can from the vacation itself. Reflecting on this provides me with greater insight into my ability to be present.

The ability to overcome a racing or distracted mind and slow down the pace is very powerful.

I recall a time when my sister visited me.

While we were having a pleasant conversation, I realized that my watch battery had died. Knowing how much I relied on my watch, I mentioned my need to get a battery. My sister told me that it may help me not have a watch, especially since I was constantly distracted by it…looking at it often, but not really registering the actual time.

I decided to hold off on buying a replacement battery…but it was a hard decision!

Worse yet, we were planning to see a movie that day. My instinct was to check the time throughout our conversation to ensure we weren’t late. My sister wasn’t worried about the time. I recall she specifically stated that we would have enough time to chat and wouldn’t be late for the movie.

How could she know this without watching the time?

I was a bit perplexed, but then I realized it really wasn’t something to stress over. Setting aside my inclination to watch the time, I became fully engaged in our conversation.

We talked for what felt like hours.

It was great to catch up. I felt so carefree and unburdened from time constraints.

At one point, my usual behavior kicked in and I had a moment of panic over the time. Positive that we must have missed the movie by now, I checked the clock in the room.

Surprisingly, we still had about 10 minutes before we had to leave…the perfect amount of time we needed to get ready to head out.

Amazing!

I quickly realized that by being fully present during our conversation, I reaped many benefits:

Slowing Down Time

While time cannot literally be slowed down, the feeling of how quickly or slowly time passes can be adjusted.

Typically, time feels like it is passing too quickly when we are extremely busy, pressured by time constraints, and under stress. Generally, this occurs because we are focused inward — on our concerns, anxieties, deadlines, and next steps.

When we can quiet our minds and truly be in the moment, time can tend to stretch out before us.

Fully Experiencing Moments

Without extra pressures and mental distractions, we can better experience the moment and stay in the present. Doing this allows us to enjoy the present and fully experience each moment. We can better absorb the details of the experience.

Having Enhanced Quality and Focus

Without anxiety, stress, or distractions, our brains can work at peak performance, producing greater quality. And, due to that increased focus, we should be able to produce quality results faster and more efficiently.

Remaining Calmer and More Peaceful

Another aspect of living in the moment is the calmness and peacefulness it brings. By slowing down the pace and reducing, if not eliminating, distractions, you will become calmer. Along with fewer distractions comes a greater feeling of peace.

Becoming Present in the Moment

The primary way to accomplish being in the moment is to constantly remind yourself to focus on the present. While this is a simple concept, it is harder to implement and requires consistent practice.

Since your mind may tend to do its own thing — even against your will — you may need to continually redirect your attention to the present. With practice, this should become easier.

The following tips are provided to help promote living in the moment:

1. When you notice your mind wander — and it will — keep reminding yourself to pay attention and bring your focus back to the present.
2. Avoid multitasking. It gives us the illusion that we are paying attention; however, we are not since the mind keeps switching focus among tasks.
3. Slow down and breathe. A racing heart and mind will keep you distracted. Taking several deep breaths should help slow down your heart rate and clear your mind.
4. Do everything purposefully. Don’t just go through the motions.
5. Take time to be still, listen, and be quiet.
6. Practice, Practice, Practice

“Remember then: there is only one time that is important — Now! It is the most important time because it is the only time when we have any power.”

Leo Tolstoy

Originally published at https://freedomsreach.com on April 29, 2019.