The lights are on but nobody is home…
I’ve been stuck lately. Stuck looking back at the past.
Just now I caught myself being…bored. Not something that I’m used to. I always have something to be doing. Or at least to be thinking about. And its not as if I don’t have any of those things anymore. I just seem to be experiencing a lapse in the will behind them. Boredom because I don’t want to do anything, not because I have nothing to do.
I’ve decided to call this place of the mind Limbo.
Not dark, nor light. Just grey. Not happy, nor sad. Just average.
Not anything.
I’d rather hurt than be here. I’ll take darkness over grey listlessness any day. To hurt means to feel something, and that’s better than nothing. A storm is better than strangling mist, as it were.
I get the sense that to spend too long here would drive anyone insane. I also get the sense for someone like me…that it would take hold quicker than most. Someone eternally busy — always thinking, feeling, doing — will not survive long in the Land of the Nothing.
Fortunately, I doubt that my theory will be tested. No doubt like a grey cloud in the wind, this strange not-time will soon pass. In the meantime, I will continue to gaze into the clouded pool wherein treasured memories inexorably dissolve…
