Focusing on the Success of Others is a Dangerous Game
As human beings, it is not uncommon for us to look unto others for inspiration. This does prove to be a very efficient means of accomplishing one’s own personal goals, for it can act as the fuel for the ever burning fire within us all that is known as personal passion. But at what point if any, does this fuel become a retardant? The more thought that I put into it, the more that I realize that looking at the success of someone else can be both uplifting and destructive. Exactly what are the dynamics that separate the two?
The main component that I would like to explore would be the level at which personal circumstance meets success. Someone who has the tools to achieve their own desired success (adequate financial situation, strong support system, heavy personal drive, etc…) may look at the success of others and more easily benefit from such. For example, if a privileged individual wants to become a doctor and is inspired by the hard work that their best friend’s mother/father did to become a doctor, they will probably be able to reach that goal. Not only because they were inspired by the hard work of that individual within their lives, but also perhaps because they had the tools to achieve this goal.
In contrast, someone who has a lack of tools needed to achieve success may not benefit from the success of others. For example, if a disadvantaged individual wants to become a doctor and is inspired by the hard work that their privileged best friend’s mother/father did to become a doctor, they might begin to feel discouraged and not achieve their goal. They will then be looking at something that they will never be able to accomplish which will then act as a negative force within their lives. Inspiration is there, but due to their literal inability to achieve it (not necessarily within their control), that inspiration is then transformed into a forever reminder of something that they will never be able to achieve.
I’ve had friends who could go to college without student loans because their parents had the money. While on the other hand I know individuals who, although have worked hard to get to college, needed to take loans because they just did not have the money to pay upfront. I also know that there had to have been at least one person at my high school who gave up on the idea altogether due to personal circumstance.
I suppose if I had to generate a rough rule for this concept it would be: If your idea of success lies within a socioeconomic status greater than that of your own, you are more likely to view the success of others who achieve that same defined success as a negative factor.
Granted, there are usually exceptions to rules (something that I personally find ironic) that draw attention away from the general trend. So it is important to keep in mind that this is not always 100% the case, but just something that I have realized is evident within society.
Success that may lay in another, higher socioeconomic status is not unreachable (roadblocks do not prevent success, but your reaction to those road blocks can). There are just a heck of a lot more challenges that an individual may have to face. With each one of these challenges, comes the question of: can I do this? Perhaps the individual (and their success) that inspired you had resources available to them that you do not. You then get caught on the concept of what they had available to them that you do not. This can then become daunting and sit heavily within a mind that is struggling to find motivation. If this intimidation proves to be too overpowering, that goal of success drifts farther and farther from sight and that individual whom you looked towards for inspiration acts as a permanent reminder of what you will never have or even what you will never become.
So how can we escape the evil clutches of comparison? A habit that is so dangerously human. It is most certainly possible, so do not let this seemingly cynical thought process prevent you from chasing your dreams. Just chase them in a different way.
In my opinion, it is very important to look at yourself when defining success. Look at what you personally have overcome and use that as the fuel for your fire. In life, everyone has their fears. Everyone has something that is difficult for them to overcome. Start with analyzing these difficulties and either A: find the courage to conquer these (something that can hands down be the scariest and hardest thing one will ever have to go through) or B: look at the success you have made in this field and become your own inspiration.
If every individual could become their own inspiration, I feel that people will then have an easier time at achieving their personal ideas of success. On top of that, don’t let others define success for you! The definition of success is one of the most malleable defined words in existence. Success varies from person to person to person. But please do not convince yourself that what other people consider success is what you should too, nor let others convince the same of you.
Doing so leads to potential disappointment in the sense of not making time for self reflection and asking yourself: is this what I truly want to achieve? Or maybe this is just what everybody else thinks is success? It is important to look deep inside yourself to find what you want it its pure form, do not let those influence you to do otherwise. Looking inside yourself on a higher level can help you both become your own inspiration and find that definition of success that fits perfectly in your pocket. When everyone else is basking in theirs, you can always pull your idea of success right out of your pocket and know that you are following what’s closest to you. When the going gets rough, you can tell yourself that I found this little, special balled up idea of success, therefore I can do anything regardless of what stands against me. You are your own inspiration, only you truly know how hard you have had to work to get to where you are at.
It is a hard habit to break: looking at what others have and at what we personally do not. So in combat to that, look to yourself, your personal strengths, your true desires, and accomplish your goals one seemingly silly step at a time. We do not have to focus all of our attention to the treasure at the top of the steps. With doing so, there is the potential to trip and fall all the way back down. Instead, look at each little step as a success. One day when you think that you are going to find more steps, you will be pleasantly surprised to realize that you have made it to the top. And although the treasure is nice, not a single person can take away that view you have looking back down over all of the steps you took.
