Too much konkobility in my village

Oh dear the birds are taking a permanent flight from their natural habitat and the plants are not going to be happy. How can they migrate to Ghana? Not that Ghana is bad though but it just doesn’t sound right. Birds don’t really migrate in Nigeria, they fly everywhere. Thanks for the nice weather, there’s no wintery conditions to make annual flight plan a permanent fixture in the sky. Yet we are in for a new reality. Imagine if there are no more birds in Nigeria.

Once in a while we see rats in the gutters. Now we don’t really see them anymore. They don’t get to eat leftovers anymore. How can they when a bag of rice is being sneaked into the kitchen? Even house helps can’t give 2 Dericas to their boyfriends like they used to. This used to be a weekly fixture but not anymore so the boys are hungry too. Madam caught her househelp doing just that last week. Oh my goodness! She beat the living daylight out of her. “Don’t you know how expensive a bag of rice is?” Madam screamed till her lungs got sore. Poor woman.

We don’t really have many ships except the ones that bring a lot of oyinbo people goods from China. They bring the goods and on their way back to obodo China, they go empty handed. We are terrible hosts. Not even a kilo of copper or bauxite. Well maybe they give them things but they don’t tell us about it. Ah I almost forgot. We actually have some ships and all they do is take oil away and bring refined everything. That’s if the boys let them. They are blowing up pipelines and agitating for some things. They are still articulating them but in the meantime, they are giving our daddy a hard time.

The mothership is still sailing albeit struggling against the storm. It’s got a captain but it appears rudderless. Hopefully it doesn’t sink and if it does it should be close to the shore so rescue missions can save many poor folks with no life jacket. Some poor folks are jumping out of the ships already. They are swimming to the shore for safety. May the Lord epp us.

It’s daytime in our village and it feels like night time. Even our forefathers never had it this bad. They lived in darkness with only oil lamps for company. They had no expectations. We still use oil lamps but oil peddled by the barons. They must be laughing so much their bellies must be hurting, those barons. So much lol in the village. The village head and his wisemen are still deliberating on how to consult the oracle. Or is the village oracle dead? We may have to go to the next village to consult their oracle. We heard they have a powerful priest. Well the wisemen won’t let us send for him on the next market day. Smh

You see the young people were really happy and a lot campaigned for the installation of the new village head. A lot of bird-talk during the election season. They got tired of his slow motion stunts just a few moons after his installation. You may say how about me? Yes, I’m tired too but I never expected much to be honest but I was happy for a ‘change’. The former ruling house were like barbarians at the village square. Now it seems we’ve all been shortchanged. Sigh

What can a young man do than hope still. It’s easy to get depressed from the happenings in our village but it makes no sense to be. The chief priest from the next village actually sent his words. There’s a massive storm brewing. Is it on the sky or in a local teacup? That’s the question that’s giving everyone a headache. May the Lord epp us.

Over nine hundred days since they took our girls. That is so many many moons ago. That was a terrible night. The morning brought so much sadness to the village. The former village head didn’t know what to do to bring back our girls. He gave some money to the hunters to go buy some dane guns and matchetes so they could take the fight to the marauders in the forest. It turned out that the hunters had a different plan for the money. They shared the money.

It is not all gloom for my village. Two quick fire events happened last week. The head of all the women gave a body blow to the village head at the market square. She said the village head is not the one running our village. That his council of wisemen also includes some cunny men. That the village head had no clue about this hijacking. The village head fired back at the meeting of some village heads that she belongs to his kitchen and all his rooms. Smh

Some of the kidnapped girls ‘escaped’ from the evil forest. I am not really sure how it happened. Were the evil men paid to release them or was it just a swap like 20 girls for 4 bad guys? Not much information yet but a lot of bird-talk going on still. We can rejoice a little even though there’s just too much konkobility happening in the village.

• konkobility — Madness or craziness

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