Top 10 Donald Trump Resolutions for 2021
FOTP Friday List for … December 31st, 2020
Published in
2 min readDec 31, 2020
(Special New Year’s Eve edition)
- That the United States goes down in flames and that when the book of the country’s demise is written, he is featured, 45 pounds thinner, astride a photo of it on the cover — like one of those “Left Behind” novels — orchestrating the destruction.
- That Tom Brady divorces Gisele Bündchen and marries Ivanka.
- That Jared Kushner is sentenced for securities fraud and Ivanka divorces him in anticipation of Brady leaving Bündchen.
- That JFK in NYC is renamed TWA (Trump World Airport) and, if not that, that its new global departure building be renamed “Trump International Terminal.”
- That not being president won’t derail his chances of getting Hope Hicks in bed.
- That Putin will stop ignoring his calls.
- That word of the number of polyps discovered (Six. Four troublesome) on his first colonoscopy are not released to the press.
- That his neighbors in Palm Beach who don’t want him to establish his post-presidency residence in town die miserable deaths.
- That Stephen Miller can get him the martial law protocols before January 6th.
- That Michael Cohen is brutally gang-raped in prison and after repeatedly being asked “Who’s your daddy?” is forced to answer ‘Trump.’”