“I need some Strong Boys(TM) to help me.”

I’m sure that anyone who doesn’t identify as a cisgender male understands, at least to an extent, the feeling of annoyance, spite and righteous indignation that comes when someone says, “I need some big, strong boys to help me lift a few things real fast.” It’s an annoyance that feels as though it has been present for my whole life, or at least since I could comprehend such a request (approximately elementary school) — definitely since before I knew what sexism explicitly was.

It may seem, to some of you, like a waste to dedicate a whole blog post to discussing one of the most basic sexist microaggressions to ever exist. Honestly, I would agree with you, if it weren’t 2017 and I didn’t hear this on a college campus from an individual who couldn’t have sounded more condescending if they had tried. What’s more, when people (including perceived women) raised their hands or stepped forward to help, the individual who asked the question literally only picked perceived men from the lineup. I felt like I was back in elementary school (circa 2002–2007), when the gender binary was the only thing I, and the majority of others knew.

Moreover, while this kind of microaggression is obviously harmful to people who don’t identify as cisgender men, it’s also just as harmful to people who do identify as cisgender men, if a little more subtly so. Cis men should also feel annoyance and indignation when anyone makes sexist statements such as, “I need strong BOYS to help me lift things.” Toxic hypermasculinity may be be becoming almost as much of a buzzword (phrase?) as “sexism,” but the concept is a very real thing that affects just about everyone who identifies as male.

For anyone who doesn’t know, hypermasculinity is essentially an over exaggeration of stereotypically male behavior. Masculine stereotypes and expectations such as superior physical strength, over-emphasized (often unnecessary) aggression, emotional stoicism and sex/sexuality, among others, set standards for and dictate how men should ideally exist and behave. Just like unrealistic expectations for women regarding beauty, sexuality and other things, hypermasculine behavioral and appearance-based expectations for men set unrealistic standards that negatively affect not only those who can’t meet them, but also those who can, and do.

So, when people say things like, “Can a few strong boys help me,” not only is that statement ignoring the strength and contributions of everyone who isn’t a cisgender male, but it is also reminding cisgender boys and men that they have a number of societal expectations to live up to, including superior physical strength. Not living up to those expectations is, in the eyes of society, giving up one’s identity as a man.

Hypermasculinity affects people that don’t identify as men, too. Since men and women are considered to be polar opposites, if men are supposed to be strong, aggressive sex machines, then women are expected to be dainty (read: weak), demure (read: silent) icons of purity (read: virginity). Literally no one wins in a hypermasculine culture. The ability to lift heavy things is not determined by one’s gender identity, but rather by one’s bodily ability. To automatically assume that men have better bodily ability than anyone else is to do a disservice to quite literally everyone, including men.