The Pitch

One day in summer, Frog was not feeling chill.

Toad said, “Frog you are yelling quite a lot.”

“But I always yell a lot,” said Frog. “I am a CEO.”

“Today you are yelling a lot even for a CEO,” said Toad. “Sit down on these beanbag chairs and peace.”

Toad poured Frog a beer from the kegerator. Frog drank the beer, and then he said, “I need the next funding pitch.”

“All right,” said Toad. “Let me think of the tech we can pitch on.”

Toad thought and thought. But he could not think of a pitch to give Frog.

“I will go onto GitHub and look through our repos,” said Toad. “Perhaps that will help me to see a pitch.”

Toad searched the repos on GitHub for a long time. But he could not find a pitch to sell Frog.

Then Toad went into emacs and started hacking some Rust.

“Why are you hacking on Rust?” asked Frog.

“I hope that if I hack up some Rust, it will help me to write a good pitch,” said Toad. Toad hacked on rust for a long time. But he still could not think of a compelling pitch to tell Frog.

Then Toad started Dockerizing his Rust.

“Why are you Dockerizing your Rust?” asked Frog.

“I hope that if I can get my Rust deployed via Docker, it will help me to think of a good pitch,” said Toad.

Toad spent several days fixing his Docker deployment setup. But he could not think of a pitch to tell Frog.

Then Toad began to rewrite everything to run on Amazon Lambda.

“Why are you moving everything over to Lambda?” asked Frog.

“I hope that if I can get us to serverless Cloud Native™ deployments, it will help me to think of a pitch,” said Toad.

“I am feeling totally pumped, Toad,” said Frog. “I do not think I need a pitch from you anymore.”

“Then you get up from that nap pod and let me get into it,” said Toad “because I have been crushing it for days and need to chill.”

Frog said, “Would you like me to tell you our new pitch, Toad?”

“Yes,” said Toad, “if you know it.”

“Open to a black screen,” said Frog, “me standing in front of it wearing a turtleneck, and you sitting in a chair to the side. I am yelling. I am yelling about our awesome pitch. Our GitHub repos are full of 🙌💯🔥 reactji. We have written all of our systems in Rust, which is fully Dockerized and deployed only to Amazon Lambda. We are the first completely serverless, Cloud Native™ cookie-scale business on the planet. The world has changed, and we are bringing the wisdom of the Gods in the form of Dockerized Rust Lambda Universe-Scale Cookies.”

“How was that, Toad?” said Frog.

But Toad did not answer. He had passed out from exhaustion.