VC-Funded NewCo
Some Siren Songs Never Get Old
(Imagine this sung, to the tune of that Burger King commercial)
One evening as the sun went down
And the NoCal trees were on fire,
Down the 101 came a co-founder,
And he said, “Now it’s time to hire
For I’ve founded an S-Corp far away
Where the filing fees are low,
So work for me, for nearly free,
At my VC-Funded NewCo.
At my VC-Funded NewCo,
The outlook’s rosy and bright,
Catered lunches grow on bushes
And dinner every night
Where the runway is quite lengthy
And the sun shines every day
On perks and equity
And massages for free,
The beer keg springs
Where the CEO sings
In my VC-Funded NewCo.
At this VC-Funded NewCo
The laws aren’t our concern,
The regulators are all captured
And we’ve got money to burn,
The market is addressable
for billions of dollars a day,
Oh I’m bound to go
To the Valley below
Where the first movers win,
Don’t need permission
At my VC-Funded NewCo.
At my VC-Funded NewCo
We never dilute your stock
And the little streams of revenue
Come tricklin’ in by the clock,
The cap-table’s full of engineers
And the org-chart’s completely flat,
It’s a toxic brew,
Meritocracy too,
Though it’s mostly dudes
Who are just like you
At my VC-Funded NewCo.
At my VC-Funded NewCo
‘Machine learning’ is the pitch,
We’re planning to use deep networks
Or blockchains to get rich,
There ain’t no cruft or legacy
We build it all ourselves,
I’ma goin’ to stay
Where we Slack all day,
’Cause Mechanical Turk
Can do all the work,
For our VC-Funded NewCo.
We only pay in equity, well, except for me,
At my VC-Funded NewCo.”
