Do We Have Free Will?
It has been a shitty day.
I am a solution-based woman. I am a spiritual woman. My days are often spent in conversation with guides or angels to discover the best solutions to my issues. I am a psychic, a Highly Sensitive Person, and an empath.
I am self-aware enough and have enough discipline to name my feelings, express them or self-regulate and detach when appropriate.
So, when I couldn’t figure out why I was feeling so agitated today, I looked within. I have been doing so much self-love work that I literally couldn’t think of a single thing I feared. So, why was I snapping at my son and feeling such dread and anxiety?
I asked my guides. Writing was the answer. I sat down to journal, and my brain quit. . . it was like trying to push a shopping cart through wet cement. My brain is foggy. My nerves are shot, and I had a day of rest yesterday. So, literally, what the damn hell?
I asked my guides again. And I got the one answer I hate. I can deal with, “Wait,” or “Be patient,” but the one I have no idea what to do with is, “You don’t need to figure everything out.” In other words, “You don’t need to know.”
Well, I want to know. And if it’s affecting my present life, then, I need to know. And then I think. . . ugh, this is why. I’m writing this, and it’s helping, so this is why I didn’t need to know? Because giving me an idea of what all this agitation is about wouldn’t have led me to Medium to write something about being pissed off and falling flat on my goal to understand myself better.
This is the Spiritual nightmare I live in — it’s not really a nightmare. When we trust and have faith that it’s all for our Highest good, the wild goose chases seem less manipulative.
Here’s where things get spiritually weird.
A friend of mine is in communion with Source almost every day. She channels, and has a great understanding of Spiritual laws and the way the Universe works. She doesn’t believe in free will. She believes it’s an illusion.
I’m still chewing on this concept. Here’s what I have so far.
I believe each soul is born to learn. We live multiple lifetimes on earth and in other realms or dimensions to learn as much as we can. . .
As souls, I believe we choose where we go and when, so choice is incredibly important. When we choose to live a human life on earth, we devise a life plan, if you will, to direct us to our chosen lessons. We choose the soul mates or soul tribe members we want to teach us, and just before our birth, we forget.
If we’re lucky, as we grow, we learn that our soul connects us to everything, most importantly, the Source of all energy (GOD). From my studies, I know that Source energy has no duality. It can not be good or bad. It just is — because it is nothing and everyhing all at once. It is a concept, as human, can be challenging to grasp. And as humans, we are different from God. We learn through duality. We can not understand sadness until we have experienced joy. We only know one thing because of its opposite. Because of this separation, we long to be closer to Spirit (Source, God, Universe), so we study and learn about different religions. And what we find in common with all religions is faith.
Faith is believing in something intangible. Faith is falling flat. Faith is doubt. Regardless of whether every move we make is dictated by some Higher Entity or not, humans need to believe in free will. Humans need faith. If we were absolutely positive that there was no free will, what would generate faith? We would have no fear. We would have no doubt. And some of us may just stop living. (Of course, they would all be part of the Divine plan, but still.)
Just as I realized that I wasn’t meant to know how to feel better because it wouldn’t have led me here to write, we can’t get to this realization without faith in a Divine plan. And as is the paradoxical magic of Source, we can not truly believe in a Divine plan without faith.
My brain hurts.
We can justify the workings of Source with incredible accuracy in hindsight. We need our belief in free will in order to choose faith until we don’t live in linear time anymore, until we dissolve duality within us — -because it is choice and freedom that allows us to feel alive.
My friend might be right. I discount nothing as truth. I am a shadow worker meant to have my human feet firmly planted on this earth, so my lens is different than hers. I can see her perspective, and for some, that concept could give a great sense of peace and comfort.
God also gave us rebellion. As I mentioned before, I converse with my non-corporeal peeps, and I know when Spirit wants me to take action. Sometimes, though, I don’t. I drag my feet. I bitch and complain. (And yes, all part of the Divine plan.) So, I mean, if God really wants me to do something, I guess it will happen, but just like a child, I’m gonna kick and scream the entire time (and that all may be part of it, but damn it, I need to believe I’m free).
You may be able to make me do something, Spirit, but you better believe I’m gonna do it my way. And that’s how you made me. So, the cyclic insidious thoughts begin again.
“It’s okay, Sara. You don’t need to figure everything out.”
