How to Become More Empathetic
Empathy is innate within all of us. We get to choose whether or not we express it.
The benefit of empathy I have experienced
The main benefit I have gleaned from my experience of uncovering empathy is a greater understanding of the suffering on this planet. This allows me to “be water” in the words of Bruce Lee.
For example
When a manager gets upset at you for not doing work they expected done, you are presented with many ways to respond.
To be water in this situation means to acknowledge you heard them and respond in a way that you will do better next time. You don’t raise or lower your emotional level when saying this. You’re calm.
Where a lot of people struggle is by becoming upset, anxious, or depressed when being criticized. They take it personally and they attack themselves on the inside or the manager. But the reality is, the manager acted like that from their own understanding of the world and not as a personal attack against you.
Maybe that manager takes shit from their boss and uses frustration as a self-defense mechanism so they don’t lose their job. Maybe they’re going through a divorce and it’s taking a toll on them. Who knows.
I’ve had a few managers that were the nicest people off the clock but as soon as they clocked in, they changed from the kind and interesting individual I got to know outside of work to the demanding and unsettled employee that got mad easily.
How to be more empathetic
Nobody asked to be here; to exist. We’re all here doing the best we can with what we have to maintain a comfortable lifestyle.
When you understand that many people simply struggle to exist in this world daily and that nobody chose to be here, you begin to see how little control we have over our lives.
And the deeper you understand these concepts, the more empathetic you feel for yourself and “others” (we’re all one, born of star dust but that’s for another post). It’s all about shedding the skin deep beliefs that people are out to hurt you or get you and opening up to where these beliefs really come from: the lack of control we have over our lives, the environmental conditioning, and acting from where we think is best.
Step 1: Be aware of the negative skin deep beliefs.
Step 2: Acknowledging that you have responded negatively to yourself and others.
Step 3: Accepting/being okay with that and forgiving yourself.
Step 4: Show yourself, through self reflection, how you could have responded or acted differently in those situations.
Using self reflection through meditation or keeping a journal (I take notes on my phone), you can begin to reflect on how people treat you and why that might be.
Step 5: This leads to seeing people from a more empathetic approach of love and kindness vs seeing them as out to hurt you or be better than you.
Conclusion
The more you reflect on yourself and other people’s responses, the more you see everyone (including yourself) is only doing the best they can with the cards that life’s dealt them.
So don’t be so hard on yourself or others. It takes time to uncover the empathy this planet needs right now.
