YOU SEE THIS THING CALLED VALIDATION…
That’s how I once missed my way because I found it difficult to shout “Driver, o wa ooo!!!”
I had just finished my POST-UTME examination in UNILAG and had to go meet a relative at YABATECH. Sitting at the back seat of the campus shuttle bus with every one quiet and looking so posh, left me wondering how I would shout “O wa ooo” without attracting funny looks or comments (C’mon, this is UNILAG, I should act tush too!) Until the bus got to its final destination and I found myself in an environment I had no idea of, I did not realize how foolish I had been. Thank God for the gift of nice strangers (I even got an unsolicited tour around YABATECH!)
My first ever recorded academic failure in life came from a Math test in SS1. What makes it so unforgettable is the fact that as our teacher taught, he kept repeating he would set the same questions in the test, so we could all have an easy ride through the tests and face the worst in the exams. Everyone passed, except me. You know why? As our math teacher kept revising how to solve quadratic equations using completing the square method, I silently battled with owning up to my struggle of not understanding the concept because of fear of being ridiculed by my classmates.
“Olamide! How will you say you don’t know completing the square method that we have been doing since JSS 3?”
“Sir, she’s just trying to draw us back. Olamide already knows these things.”
So, picturing the comments ahead, I stayed in silence till the day of the test. Faced with the exactly revised questions and no idea of what to do, I simply wrote back the question as my answer; weeping within for the failure ahead, while others jubilated at the simplicity of the test. I had the lowest score in the whole Science class (still made the highest score in Mathematics that year though, story for another time).
Some friends were hanging out in a restaurant one day, when a lady walked up to them.
“So, I’m here now. Tell me to my face why you are all laughing at me” She had her gait on, ready to fight.
They all went quiet. How would they explain they were not even aware she was in the restaurant, let alone laugh at her? And in the simplest way possible, each of them tried to explain to her, “We did not even know you were here until now.”
As she walked away repeatedly looking back at each of them, probably still doubting, it became clearer that sometimes, everything could be okay and still not be okay because of what we think about ourselves and much more, what we think people think about us.
Have you been here?
When I got the push to start writing from these things, my first thought was: What will people think?
And as I journey up to the place of owning my journey of acceptance, I keep wondering: How many more are still within these cages?
How many more ideas are still locked up in shelves of minds because of fear of what people will think?
How many more expressions are waiting to be heard because of fear of not being good enough?
How many more manifestations does the world still need to groan for because the sons of God are scared of acceptance?
During the lock down, I visited two family friends. At the first house, somebody asked: “You are so lean, have you not been eating well?” I left the house thinking, “Something must be wrong with me.” At the second house, I was asked: “Ahnahn! You are now so fat o, have you been eating too much?” I left the house more confused, “Whose report do I now hold on to?”
Here’s been my journey so far: People are so fickle, making them our standard might bring a confused life. Education and achievements are doing their best, but making them our standard might result in an endless pursuit. Good self-esteem and body image have been helping, but what happens to that standard when life and age happens?
What then?
When the pot begins to look at the bowl to know what to do best, then you know confusion is about to set in. The potter who made each of them knew what he made them for and what they could do best. Same with us! Our standard is just one: Our Maker. Until we begin to realize that it is not about what we think we are but what we have been created for, our sense of validation will keep coming from the wrong things. And you know, when the purpose (worth, validity) of a thing is not known, abuse is inevitable.
Of course, it’s a journey. I just hope we all realize early that we do not have all day. Imagine an athlete who in between a race, stops at intervals to check the sidelines: “How many people are clapping for me?”
I’ll leave you to judge. But then, just do not be like the me in the stories I started with.
The higher we go in life, the costlier our mistakes.
Now do you think I am trying to make people accept me? No, God is the one I am trying to please. Am I trying to please people? If I wanted to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ. (Galatians 1:10 ERV)
