65 things I should’ve taught you by now.

At the moment of writing, my son Lucas is about 200 days old. Here I leave some learnings I want to document and will share with him once the time is right. If you’re not Lucas — I hope this will add value to your life. If you feel like it, share your ideas and make it better!

There are quite some ideas I hope I taught you by now. Although I could think of more, I made a shortlist of the 65 lessons which I think are either important or I practice on a daily basis.

Some are simple, some need pondering. I won’t go deeper into these. I have about 18 years to elaborate or touch upon them in other posts.[1]

65 lessons for Lucas

I’ll promise to be brief son. :-)

1. Give more than you take.

There is reason this is number 1. Give love, advice, your ideas, compliments, your food and share share share. When you’re the one who gives people will return the favour. It’s the only way to fill your bucket.

2. Expect nothing. (Never)

Expecting something is the mother of all f&ck ups. Although you can make predictions about the future — that doesn’t mean those will come true. You always need to take action! Also combine this with lesson 1. That will boost your personality, your look on yourself and will prevent a lot of dissapointment in others.

3. Always be prepared to walk away from the table.

People can buy your services, your time or ideas. But you always have a will and a voice. People don’t own you. When you’re not prepared to go all in when you actually need to — people will take advantage of you. You have much better chance of winning (anything really) when you’re prepared to lose it all. Even when you lost everything, things will be okay. I promise.

4. Cut people Slack.

People are sometimes stupid creatures. Most of them mean good. Certainly people close to you. They make mistakes — Make your remark, let them realise they were stupid, get over it and cut them slack.

5. Listen.

The secret skill which will get you places. When you listen, understand and remember — you’re way better to empathise with others. This will improve your own communication and relationships. You’ll be surprised how few people actually do this…

6. Don’t think of your response while listening.

This prevents you from actually listening. Also people will think you’re not listening which could bring frustration. This is stupid, don’t do it.

7. Be easy with alcohol.

Yeah, it’s tasty. But it’s bad for your body, your mind and it’s addictive. Don’t overdo this. Well, when I think of it, perhaps in 2030 this is illegal anyway..

8. Talk less, say more.

Less is more. Only speak if you can add value to the conversation. Don’t repeat others — except when you want to make sure you understood them. You’ll talk less, but say more.

9. Tip generously.

Especially people working in CHR. I tend to give 10–15% in NL and when I’m abroad I research this before I go.

10. Sleep 7/8 hours a day.

It’s difficult for me, I hope not for you. But resting is the thing which will give you the energy for when you need it. More than 8 hrs is being lazy btw (imho).

11. Embed exercise in your schedule.

Otherwise this won’t become a habit. Ask me about this if you want to understand more. Name drop James Clear or research him about habits.

12. Choose your friends carefully.

I just read this post of Ryan Holiday in which several philosophers shared that: ’ you are the combination of the people you surround yourself.’ Think about who you want to be, surround yourself with positive, critical and ambitious people. Say goodbye to the ones who only eat your energy.

13. Don’t be an individual in your relationships.

Although it’s great to have your individual lives in a relationship. You need to always put the team first, otherwise chances are you grow out into separate lives.. Any relationship takes effort and open communication to be able to survive.

14. Destroy ego.

It has very low purpose. You are not better than others. People hate it. It’s unnecessary to have it and it creates more problems than it solves. It’s like the stoics day: The enemy. — become humble instead!

15. Do karaoke.

This is something pretty uncomfortable for a lot of people. Practicing getting out of your comfort bubble hasn’t been easier ( and fun!).

16. Don’t eat with your mouth open.

This is disgusting.

17. Invest in a good pair of shoes.

Something I realized quite late in my life so far. But a good pair of shoes really finishes your outfit. Make sure you make a good impression and buy a pair which really stand out, walks comfortably and which you treat well.

18. Shave.

Yeah, beards are fine and stuff. But at least make sure you treat it with care. Otherwise you’ll look like a tramp in no time.. People like a nice beard, but don’t like gorrillas..

19. Remember that nobody really has it all figured out. Most of us are just trying stuff.

The way you view the world. The problems you face. The terrifying thoughts you have. The sick thoughts you have. The anxiety you feel. Always remember people view the world exactly like you. They have similar thoughts, problems and troubles. Never let fear be a reason for not taking action.

20. The man with money wins.

Unfair but true. It’s the one percent with the money which make the money. Be smart about it. If you imagine yourself being in a 100 meter sprint — people with more money start at the 75m mark. They have an advantage, be thoughtful of that. Always. Read rich dad, poor dad.

21. Sometimes life sucks. Deal with it.

The world doesn’t care about your feelings. Your troubles and misery. The world is cold and hard and it only cares about reality. Build resilience and create good relationships which help you deal with it. Never stop progressing.

22. Respect elders.

Yeah a bit of self interest here, haha. Just remember all of us people have tried their best to create a good future. If we f&cked up, please be critical. But empathize with the crazy world we have to deal with. 2030 must be something completely different opposed to 2018.

23. Only emotionally attach to things in your control.

This is ancient lesson which is super powerful. Don’t get all emotional about global politics if you’re not in them. Don’t get caught up about misery in another’s life.. Rather DO something about it if you have the power to do so. Or simply leave it.

24. Don’t lead life through a lens.

This must be even harder in 2030. Set a limit to what you allow yourself to capture. Otherwise you’ll end up with a harddrive with pictures you won’t even look at anyway. Also experiencing an event or happening without holding your phone or device helps you really inhale the experience and live it!

Be the first to:

25…Make up a fight

Don’t let pride stand in your way. Have open conversations, respect if people ask for time, but be the first to try and clear the air. If that person can’t set aside their pride — leave them be. They are not worth your time.

26…Raise your hand when you think you have an answer.

When I was younger I tend to be insecure about giving the wrong answer. In class but also in business life.. If you have an answer and you think you have an answer. Say it!

27..Say ‘I love you’ to your loved ones.

Especially to family. ;-).

28.. pet a dog when you see one.

This will definitely up your oxytocin levels and give you a great feeling. Also, dogs are probably the most happy creatures out there! Use them to your advantage!

29. Master 10 original cooking recipes.

At a point, someone will ask you to cook. If you have mastered a few recipes you’ll steal the show. Also this is useful for dates and for emergency situations when you don’t know what to eat. My signature dishes are: Duck with orange. Balinese steak with fries. Provençal roast beef. Saltimbocca. Chicken risotto. Dad’s world best chips. Slow roast bbq spareribs. Eaton’s mess. Dame blanche. Irish coffee. Ask me for recipes. Or ask your mum, she has other ones.

30. Find a job you love.

You spent so much time here on earth. Make it worthwhile! Take longer to really find a job you enjoy. Be picky and don’t be afraid to switch. They (businesses) need you as much as you need them. Remember, they have a problem too. In your interview ask about the first 6 weeks, where you would be after 1 year in the company and where the people were 1 year ago themselves. Challenge them on actual events and data! Or you could always start your own business. Happy to help there :-).

31. Find/create a job that covers more than your expenses.

You need to build a buffer with which you can invest and save. I don’t believe pensions will stick around forever. Better be prepared and start when you are 20. Sounds crazy, but belief me. Start now with an investment and saving plan. (now I really feel like an old fart. haha)

32. Invest in stock & commodities.

Depending on the current rent obviously. And heck for all I know this has changed in 2030, so please do due diligence. But at least spend a good amount of your savings in commodities. Those will likely to keep in value or increase over longer periods of time. Read this book called rich dad, poor dad. More info there, if it’s still relevant in your age I don’t know!

33. Be confident. (Nobody really knows what they’re doing anyway..)

Like I sort of said before. You are just as valuable as someone else. You will encounter ‘naysayers’. People who will say you can’t do something. But ignore those bastards. They’re just incompetent or unconfident. If you believe you can achieve something — go for it. Both mind and body can stretch pretty far! Will, vision and discipline can get you to extreme heights!

34. Everyone once was a beginner.

You can’t imagine Cristiano Ronaldo being a beginner right? Or Michael Jackson a beginning dancer? Truth is, at a point in life, they were where you are today. They just put in the energy, time and focus in improving it. You can literally take your life anywhere. Don’t be afraid to try new things. And give yourself time to develop.

35. You are allowed to have a voice.

Well, not sure how you end up being since you’re 6 months at the time of writing. But it’s important to understand you have the right for an opinion. Think and describe your own ideas. Write them down. Share them with others and become better at clear thinking. Who knows what you’ll discover!

36. Say sorry when you are wrong.

Own your mistakes. Apologise deeply when you made a mistake, and be humble and truthful about it. No need to stick in apologymode too long though…

37. Reflect.

If you don’t learn from your mistakes, something is going wrong. Reflecting or meditating on how your day has been can be great for your mind to get your thoughts in order. I either meditate, exercise, burst out to your mum or ponder. Find a way for you to think and act.

38. Take 30 min a day (at least) to ponder. (This can be done while cooking a recipe you master!)

Never underestimate the power of pondering. It’s amazing to actively think about stuff, ideas and events. I think it’s wise you choose to do this when you’re alone and when you can’t really get disturbed. This is why I like going with public transport.

39. Plan stuff.

A plan can only come together If you have one. I wouldn’t advice to plan all the spontaneity out of your life, but if you have a goal and a plan to reach it, it’s much more likely you’ll make it. Be mindful of your hours and set aside time for if you want to reach some of your goals.

40. Keep a bucket list.

Or as I call: a vision board. I share a vision board with your mum on Pinterest. If you somehow plot your ideas, dreams and wishes. It’s funny how you unconsciously make steps in order to reach them. I’ll definitely post about this later.

41. Plan dates with your girlfriend (wife).

Yeah, dating doesn’t stop when you’re together. Plan those dates! A relationship is hard work!

42. Don’t settle too soon.

Or do.. who am I to tell you?.. But I liked the fact that I had some different relationships and experiences before meeting your mum. In each relationship you learn a lot and helps you either experience or improve your current relationship. I think those were quite valuable lessons and nice memories!

43. Go on a trip or holiday alone.

This was one of the best things my dad tought me.. He sent me to Madrid for 3 months. I learned to be alone. To make friends. At a later stage I went back and lived there for quite a while to study there. That was definitely the best time of my University times.

44. Be comfortable being alone.

I think this really helps you with building self confidence and gives the ability to discover new things faster. When you are not in the circle of people you currently know — you’ll meet new people in no time. There is no easier way to enrich your mind with getting ideas from a diversified group of people. When you’re comfortable in being ‘alone’ — truth is, you’ll never be.

45. Master an music instrument (any).

Well at least know the basics. Music is such a great way to train your mind. You’ll learn rhythm, math, progressions and well so much more! I suggest guitar, piano or the drums (Obviously). A bonus is when you can use this as a party trick. In that case guitar or piano makes most sense.

46. Give up your seat in a train.

Unless you go abroad, you are not in the train for long. Give up your seat whenever you feel like someone else could benefit more from the rest. Pay it forward!

47. Don’t eat apples in a silent space.

People will hate you for doing it. Or at least your Dad will..

48. Know your classics.

Start with: Queen — Michael Jackson — Toto — Prince — Guns N’ Roses — Fleetwood Mac — Madonna — Elvis Presley — The Beatles — Hans Zimmer.

49. Watch all Star Wars episodes.

Need I say more? This is important stuff Lucas. Jeeh..

50. Learn to iron.

I fail at this and still hear it from your mum. It’s important you can iron your own shirts, your pants and your suit elements. If you can do that you can also do the rest. This will give you extreme kudo’s with your future partner and your mother in law..

51. Work in a restaurant for at least 6 months.

It will give you knowledge of food. Hospitality. Drinks. Wine. It will teach you to create proper coffee’s and to clean your glasses. Working in a restaurant is something you take to the rest of your jobs for the rest of your life.

52. Know your whisky’s.

Understanding what you like and why is important. For that you obviously have to try stuff out. When you do that, make note of what you’re trying. Don’t trust your memory. Because you will forget.

53. Don’t smoke.

If you do, seek help to stop today. It only grows worse — it’s not worth it.. Also feel free to tell me if I don’t yet know. I won’t blame you, hurt you or go crazy. I will help you stop though. Because this really doesn’t make sense to do with the knowledge we have today.

54. Point out when people talk shit.

You’ll come across a lot of people who will talk shit. Often these are people with confidence who think they need to have an opinion ready about each and everything in the world. When they do that and you think you know better. Call them out on it.

55. Only talk to others about stuff you would say in person.

I think this is quite clear. You don’t have to be evil. Or hurt people. But at least be direct so people can act and do something rather than not knowing. Don’t trashtalk.

56. Go to concerts.

You probably live on Apple Music or Spotify.. Although it’s good. Going to live performances really make all the differences. Certainly if you’ve decided to pick up music yourself.

57. Learn a party trick.

This can either be magic. A handstand walk/pushup or a performance on piano or guitar which is just crazy good and people know about.

58. Treat people with respect.

You’ll come across a lot of people who you won’t like. This doesn’t mean you have to disrespect them. Always think most of people and give them opportunity of doubt.

59. Don’t boast.

Only the wrong people like this. You’ll end up with artificial friendships who’ll only be after your money, looks or possessions.

60. Show — don’t tell.

An old writers trick, which is about letting your reader experience your world instead of you telling them what to think. But in my mind this goes even further. This is the basic idea of how I think about parenting. Perhaps sounds a bit weird since I’m talking about you. But I believe the fundamental way people learn is about showing a good example. That means I need to show you good behaviour and BE a good person, instead of Telling you what to do, think or be.. Anyway, hope I did my job :p.

61. Smile to strangers.

People are social creatures. You’ll cheer them up with a nice smile. Laugh about jokes, give people winks and dance when you hear a nice song. You have an amazing smile and you you’re doing this at the age of 7 months like no-other. I really hope you keep this skill for the rest of your life.

62. Wear sunscreen. Spf 50. also in winter!

I’m paranoid about this. 1 out of 5 people will get skincancer and since we’re all white and have Anglian ancestors. We’re a target.. I have a friend who works at a company which detects skincancer and warned me. I think people are not realising the danger of going out without any sunscreen, Especially Brits… Just protect yourself with a good sunblocker and keep your skin healthy. Do it for me, don’t get cancer.

63. Treat your ears with respect.

My uncle is a drummer. At age 45 he needed hearing aid. When I turned 24, I almost needed hearing aid. I still damaged my hearing because of drumming without protection for about 4 years. This is just stupid. Whenever I’m at a party, I lipread. Whenever I’m in a pub. I can only focus on 1 conversation. When you’re turning deaf your world becomes very small. Great thing is, you can prevent it! Luckily for me it’s not too bad that I need a machine, but who knows how bad it gets once I turn 30 or older… Treat your ears with respect!

64. Support AFC. Ajax.

I guess this is perhaps sensitive since you were born about 1500 ft from FC Utrecht’s Galgenwaard. But… I support Ajax and if you want to come to a game with me and uncle Daniel. You better cheer with us. ;-).

65. Do research when going on Holiday.

Don’t just go somewhere. But plan a little. I’ve wasted a few of my holidays where I could have seen the most amazing things! Download lonely planet, check some hashtags on social media or simply google stuff before you go. You’ll be surprised how much more you’ll get out of your trip!

That’s all folks.

Well to be honest, I had 100 learnings. But it took me almost 5 weeks to finish this post. I wanted to get it out of the way 🙏. I guess this is an easy listicle with some good advice here and there, in other posts I’ll promise to focus my writing more.

Oh funny random detail of today( june 11, 2018) you sat for the first time without me holding your hand. Haha, you’re too cute.

Love you loads son,

Dad.