Bravery, Kindness, and Learning from Failure
The one guaranteed thing in anyones life, happens to also be the thing most of us are afraid of- change. The Budha preaches that nothing is permanent, that everything changes eventually. Your family dynamic, your significant other, your life style and your means, can all change at any moment, and will all change at some point in your life weather you are ready for it or not. Embracing change will make any unplanned (or very planned) transition easier, but sometimes you need a change that is only going to happen if you make it happen. It takes a lot courage to make change happen, and it takes courage to except change you can’t control. People think about making change happen; they think about getting a raise, traveling the world, or quitting their job to become a full time happy-person, but how many of those people find the courage to make it happen? And if they do, how long did it take them? Becoming used to change is making some one get used to having to be brave. That will make it much easier for someone to find the courage to make a big decision, like a new job or moving far away, and for me, my gap year is the ultimate practice of change.
I changed my location, and I changed the people around me. I left behind my parents, my little brother, my friends, and my boyfriend so that I could test out my bravery, and let the change around me change what was in me. I spent a couple months in Cambodia surrounded by those less fortunate then I. I worked with orphans, I spoke with my neighbors that owned small store fronts, I played with their kids. I heard screams of abuse at night and I saw their bones through their lack of flesh. I lived like they did under a fan in 100 degree heat while having to constantly dress in extreme modesty. Because of this change, I developed an understanding of their life that I never knew before, which opened me up to a deep empathy, and a constant awareness of what kindness can do. All the volunteers developed habits of constantly performing small acts of kindness, because we saw every day how happy small thoughtful gestures made those around us, whether it was giving our granola bar to a kid sleeping on the street or working tirelessly every day for the bigger picture- a better life and equal opportunities for all.
It takes one kind of bravery to leave all that you know, but it takes another kind of bravery to keep communicating and being open to those you left. I didn’t realize the hardest part of being in the unknown, is that what you once knew as your home becomes another kind of unknown. I found it easier to stay completely focused on what was in front of me, blocking out any thoughts of what might be happening at home. I forgot that the ones I love made their own kind of brave sacrifices for me to leave, and that they were also changing from their own new experiences. My friends and boyfriend went to college with out me. My little brother started high school and for the first time I wasn’t going to be there to give him a head nod in the halls. I was missing after school conversations with my mom and family dinners with my dad. It’s hard to have such different types of change happen, and keep the same relationship. I didn’t want to think I might be changing any great relationships I had, so I blocked it out instead of excepting it. I returned home for about a month and a half and I wasn’t prepared for it. I kept that mental block up a little bit, refusing to admit that our change as individuals affected our relationship. Now that I have left home again, I realize that as people change relationships change, but that doesn’t mean they fade away or change negatively. When I return again I now know I need to keep being brave to except all our change, and reflect it positively with kindness and empathy.
