The Truth…La Vérite

This Gap Year has given me many memories, life lessons, and pushed me out of my comfort zone. I’ve been brave and kind, I’ve seen myself fail and felt defeat, yet I’ve bounced. It has not all been easy. I’ve seen true poverty and I’ve suffered because of it, I’ve spoken to people less fortunate than I heard the pain they carry from the past. I’ve also felt loneliness and isolation for the first time in my life, yet despite all these tough times, I’ve laughed, I’ve played, I’ve taught, and I’ve celebrated. And that’s the truth about Gap Years, not only have I had the time of my life and soared, I’ve also experienced real life (and not only my reality but the reality of others) I’ve learned the truth…

Bravery can be defined in many ways. Some see bravery as the ability to stand up for their beliefs, or simply having the ability to say “No.” Showing empathy and being vulnerable. Bravery can be a physical act of urgency, putting one’s life on the line, or it can be a self-rewarding act to keep up with one’s health. My act of bravery came when I least expected it and when I least wanted it. Living in Honduras I became aware of the mediocre state of sanitation throughout the country, and especially in the nutrition center. Not because of laziness, but due to the lack of resources. It came to my attention that because of these children were in such poor state of health they were prone to illnesses including parasites. Seeing a three-year-old pale and throwing up is not a desirable sight. As much as I wanted to leave and not have to endure such heartbreaking sight, yet as much as I wanted to leave, I knew I had to stay for much better reasons. My bravery was comforting and putting other peoples needs before my need to protect myself from feeling pain and discomfort.

Kindness, I believe, is much like bravery. It’s being the ears that listen and the shoulder to cry on. Not everyone has lived the same experiences as others, especially if such experiences are lived in a different country, but one can only understand the difficulty of other peoples life by listening to stories. As much as I wish to say these stories were much like fairy tales, I can’t. They dealt with abandonment, single parenthood, gun violence, and poverty. I believe one of our vices is feeling the need to carry the weight of the world (at least our own world) and swallow pains away, yet when people open up and share their hardships, that weight is suddenly lifted. Witnessing such enlightenment made those +2hr conversations worth so much more.

I failed, wow do I wish I hadn’t. Maybe I was too hard on myself or maybe it’s normal, but I failed. I failed myself by losing motivation and letting frustration get the best of me. Maybe it was the circumstances I was in that allowed me to give up…I wanted to give up on learning French. This past week I found myself feeling alone, and not just alone because I had no one I knew next to me, but isolation. I’ve almost completed three weeks in France and I am just not feeling the side effects of moving away to a different country where the language is foreign, with no friends or plans but teach English to my host siblings after school. Its a feeling I will never forget, a feeling of confinement and defeat as I waited (three hours outside in the cold in the center of Caen) for my host sister to arrive. It wasn’t the waiting that upset me, but my realization that without her, I had no one.

Bouncing back has been the most exciting for me. After failing myself, I took some more time alone to reflect on my feelings, and I realized I will never live that day again…So yes, it was pretty awful, it was also a learning experience.
Somehow in those three hours, I feel as if I developed my character even more, and accepted the fact that I will encounter tough situations (alone.) Which is alright because it can only get better. I am happy to say that after spending an entire day alone with almost no human interaction, the following day I made friends (haha I know it sounds childish) but to me, it felt like an accomplishment. I no longer feel as alone as I did the previous days, I have been motivated, and I can now say I am truly integrating myself in the French culture.

So this is it, the truth about my gap year. It hasn’t been all positive, but its reality and I love it. In the end, I believe this is what will help me, as well as my fellow peers, create meaningful and fulfilling lives.