How to fuck up 101: Lessons from Fuckup Nights Toronto vol. I
“We’re human; we screw up, we make mistakes, we’re not this glowing, shining example of perfection.”
Rarely do we speak so publicly and candidly about failure, YET it is from failure that we learn the most. So when I heard about Fuckup Nights (FUN) — an event dedicated to sharing and celebrating fuck ups — I felt a little bit like this:
250+ cities, 80+ countries, 7 minutes, 10 images, 1 failure. And now Fuckup Nights is finally in Toronto, thanks to one Marsha Druker. She fell in love with the idea after attending her first FUN event in Tel Aviv last year.
Fast forward to March 9th, 2017 at the Ryerson DMZ. The first FUN TO event was sold out, with over 100 people waiting with anticipation for what the night would bring. And they weren’t disappointed! The four speakers took to the stage, each of them openly sharing their personal stories of hitting rock bottom. The stories were all so different, and yet somehow the same — at least for me. Behind each one were moments we could all relate to; from the denial, fear, regrets, and blame, to the eventual acceptance and, sometimes, triumph. This terrifying rollercoaster called failure that we’d all ridden many times was now the sole subject of the night. And it felt oddly refreshing. There’s something wonderful about confirming that you’re not the only person in the room who’s fucked up. As Jessica Weisz put it — it felt like we’d found our tribe!
The awesome team at Three60 Communications was on hand to capture the night’s talks on video. So, we thought we’d share some of the learnings from the Q&A session here.
1. Accept failure for what it is: FAILURE
“I probably spent hours changing my story because I kept trying to turn it into a success.” Aleem Visram, a York University Professor and the co-owner of MIRFP Financial Planning shared this admission during the first Q&A sessions of the night. Earlier, he had told his story of a failed product launch where his team created a TV ad comparing a competitor’s product to cocaine:
His honesty was refreshing. Almost 7 years had passed since the launch, yet it was still difficult for him to fully embrace the failure. However, he finally realized that accepting your failures allows you to grow — and maybe even succeed.
“You can’t succeed if you don’t fail. For us, in this society, we always want to talk about success — but no one wants to focus on failure… You have to accept that there’s gonna be times when you fail.”
2. Pay attention to the shit that matters
In response to an audience question on what helped him bounce back from his failure, Aleem reflected on his initial reaction to getting laid off.
“When I got laid off, I felt really angry against the organization because I put everything into it; my relationships fell apart because I was always working.”
This moment led to a meaningful revelation for him: he needed to rethink things and focus on what made him happy.
“I turned to my family and friends, I started playing a lot of sports, and I got back in touch with a lot of people. I realized that I needed a career where I have that balance… We always chase money and a corporate title, and things like that don’t really matter.”
The journey to this understanding wasn’t easy for him. After getting laid off, he went through a bout of depression.
“I went through a lot of negative mental health stuff, I’d just broken up with my girlfriend, lost my job… but it was great because it helped me assess things.”
Though it took going through such lows for him to seek more balance in his life and reconnect with those who are most important to him, he doesn’t regret it.
“It’s one of those things where you learn what’s most important from a bad situation.”
3. Rock bottom is a beautiful start
Rina Rovinelli, former CEO of Maximum Woman and now co-founder of Speaker Slam shared her path to bouncing back after an 8-year struggle to keep her last business afloat. She finally let go of the company after going through a failed partnership, failed marriage, and multiple pivots — including a stab at an ice-cap business in Jamaica.
These experiences had a toll on Rina, who was afraid to get back into business when she got back home from Jamaica. Gun-shy after enduring multiple failures, she turned to the “safe” option — finding a job.
“I’m 40 years old, I’ve only ever worked for myself, I have no references.. no skills.. like, how am I going to get a job? I sent out 50 resumes and got one reply from this trendy digital recruiting firm downtown.”
Even if she felt completely out-of-place in this environment, she impressed her boss at the interview and landed the job. However, her entrepreneurial itch never quite went away. In a way, this need to start something of her own was her saving grace.
“There’s no safety net. But, that itch gets back — that entrepreneurial thing that’s like: I can do more, I can be more, I can make more, I can do something for myself and be proud of it.”
She’s finally back at it again, having launched Speaker Slam a year ago. With past learnings under her belt, and the perfect partner who complements her strengths, she’s equipped for smoother sailing. We look forward to following her journey.
There were so many other great learnings from the first 4 speakers of the series. If you missed the first event, you can watch the rest of the videos on our Facebook page.
To get the full Fuckup Nights experience, join us at our next event on Thursday July 13th, 2017 at Shopify! And if you’re interested in sharing your stories of failure with us, please email us at toronto@fuckupnights.co. Not only is it a great way to help transform the perception of failure, but it’s also amazingly therapeutic. Don’t believe us? Check out what our last speaker of the night, Marcos Mendosa, had to say after the night:
“I feel like I have released myself from the guilt, the blame, the worry, the doubt, the fear, and the anxiety that I have been carrying all this time. So, in a way, I’m really glad that I fucked up!”
