Be Like Peter Parker: For When Life Beats The God-Fearing Shit Out Of You.
A disclaimer of personal confession: I am what some would, euphemistically, call a nerd. And no, not the type of nerd that has suddenly and without warning come into vogue in recent years (see you in hell, Big Bang Theory!!). Nor the type that could conceivably have a chance of being balls deep in an entirely interested and actively participating Emma Stone. I’m talking about the type of nerd that repels vaginas more than Dwarven Chainmail repels the mighty blows of Orcs. I’m talking about the type of nerd who needs to use at least 32 Pheonix Down potions to revive his meager chance at sex with the young lady he was chatting up because his game was dead on arrival. I’m talking about the type of nerd who has gladly sacrificed more than one longstanding friendship over an all night session of Super Smash Bros.
Ideally, that would give you a better degree of insight regarding my sterling credentials that highlight the fact that, as far as I and my hobbies went, a woman’s interest in me was an entirely theoretical concept until I was 25. That, and the confidence that I know what I’m talking about when I describe my admiration, nay, appreciation for characters that have graced comic books and graphic novels almost as long as Madonna has been trying to sexualize every inanimate object in the known universe. And my number one pick above all the death-defying and ball-hugging spandex clad heroes would have to be…Peter Parker.
Notice, I said Peter Parker and not Spider-Man. This distinction is mainly due to the presumption that comes with the mythology of Spider-Man. Spider-Man is capable of many fantastical feats with cunning, guile, and strength beyond that of the average man. Spider-Man is quick, nimble, and dexterous over and above anyone you’d normally see dressed like a BDSM-advocating ladybug. That’s because Spider-Man is a tried and true hero. Exalted by the masses and in the company of greatness each and every day. But, Peter Parker, well, Peter Parker is not what one would call a fortunate individual.
Peter Parker is a man beset with such a disproportionate amount of tragedy that one would have to wonder if he were Marvel’s answer to the Book of Job. As we’ve all seen through countless iterations (some worse than others), his first foray into the alternative lifestyle of a superhero was immortalized with the death of the only father figure he had. A man who had raised him since his biological parents were killed while young Peter was just in his infancy.This portentous occasion was notable for the fact that it began a most tragic career of him bearing witness to death. Most of which were as vicarious as it were sudden.
The later misfortunes that would befall Peter Parker are no less significant to mention, but just too many to list here. Truly, he is the embodiment of the saying “whom the gods would destroy, they first drive mad.” It would not be implausible to imagine Peter Parker succumbing to the darkness that swells when the apparition of tragedy rears its head. How do you fight random chance? Whom do you attack when faced when confronted with the stark reality that a loved one only has a matter of months to live due to aggressive cancer? How do you rally against the real-time collapse of your life? And yet, Peter Parker is known for nothing but his stringent optimism and his consistent ability to see the best in other people. If not himself. He is kind, caring, and selfless to the point of extreme. This is a man (however fictitious) that is fallible but always strives to be better than he was the day before. It is this and similar thoughts that sustain me in times like these.
For those of you still reading, pardon my speaking so candidly, but the last month or so has been tough. Tougher than most anything I can recall having personally gone through, but still enough to reduce me to the size of a thimble. And just as likely to be carried away by a strong gust of wind. Now, I gather that there are many real life examples of bravery, resilience, and unfathomable charity all around us. Considering the tangerine enema we, as a nation, could be receiving in a few short months, I thank whatever higher power there is for allowing both you and myself to bear witness to altruism of that calibur. But, I was not the most popular of children. So, as a consequence, I immersed myself in my reading materials and video games to the point where those characters became my actual friends. People I could rely on and learn from. And I have, so much so that I find myself, at 29 years old, still using the lessons I learned from reading about Peter Parker to guide me through tumultuous times. Because I can get beaten all day long without respite but, where it matters, it is up to me to decide whether or not I break.
Mr. Parker taught me that.
Originally published at fukette.com.
