Empathy Is Not Sympathy

And This Is Why

If you ask me, the word “empathy” has become meaningless.

Usually, I’m not this pessimistic, but If you really look around, there are few people who truly understand what this word means.

It’s easy enough to open a dictionary and…oh, who am I kidding. No one uses an actual dictionary anymore. It’s easy enough to go to dictionary.com, type in “empathy,” and regurgitate the definition to someone else.

It’s an entirely different thing to prove you understand the meaning of empathy with your actions.

Too many people claim to be empathetic when, in reality, they are attempting to be sympathetic.

What’s the difference?

Before we continue, check out this description (it’s OK, I’ll wait).

Now that we’re on the same page with the literal definitions, let’s dig a little deeper.

When looking at these two words, one thing is fairly clear:

Sympathy is external and empathy is internal.

More specifically, sympathy refers to agreeing with someone’s feelings from the outside in, and empathy reflects the ability to understand someone else’s feelings from the inside out.

It’s pretty apparent one is easier to practice than the other.

It takes little to no effort to appear sympathetic. All you have to do is communicate that you agree with how someone else is feeling.

That’s it. If you feel the same as someone else, you essentially sympathize with them.

Empathy is much harder.

It is infinitely more challenging to appear empathetic. After all, no one knows how someone else is truly feeling except for that person.

How do you psychologically identify with or vicariously experience the feelings of another?

As you can tell, this is where things get tricky. Even more so when it comes to communicating with others.

Just think back to your last conversation.

Whether you want to admit it or not, it’s likely you did not practice empathy. Instead of practicing empathetic listening, you were most likely waiting for your turn to talk.

There is zero judgment here. We’ve all done it.

This style of communicating was engrained in us since before we can remember. How many teachers, parents, or authority figures practiced empathy while helping you grow and mature?

Not nearly enough.

So how do we avoid making the same mistakes?

We need to focus on quality over quantity.

We have to stop having more conversations and start having deeper conversations.

This will be tough at first because it means slowing down and actually giving a damn when we talk to someone else.

It means changing the way we fundamentally communicate by focusing on the motivations of others first. Only then will we have the ability to effectively communicate our own goals.

Focusing on quality connections also means creating deeper connections.

Next time you’re at a party or a networking event, try decreasing the number conversations you have and increasing the time spent with each person.

You may not become empathetic overnight. It may even take hard work and a sincere desire to change.

Put in the time with others and they’ll put in the time with you.

Would you consider yourself to be empathetic? Are you sure? Share your thoughts in the comments below or on Twitter at @williamfrazr.

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