Weaponizing Empathy
Are you empathetic?
em-puh-thee (n.) The psychological identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another.
I’ll ask again. Do you still consider yourself empathetic?
I’ve heard people claim to be empathetic my entire life. Just because you may attempt to listen to people doesn’t mean that you attempt to view a situation from their perspective. Their POV. That’s how empathy works. Considering someone else’s perspective.
This isn’t the easiest thing to do day-to-day considering we all have other things to worry about, such as making enough money to pay rent or paying back student debt. The list goes on and on.
Over the past 5 years, I’ve interacted with all types of people including teachers, students, clients, partners, friends, co-founders, collaborators from different countries, and I’ve found there is one “easy” first step on the path to using empathy.
Ask questions.
Not just any questions. The right questions. Typically, I see break them down into two categories:
- Questions that the person has never had to answer before
- Questions that stop the person and make them think
This might sound difficult, but if you really pay attention to who you’re talking to, it may not be as hard as you think. All of this being said, the key is to just start asking.
After you give someone the chance to share insight, what should you do next?
Listen.
People don’t do this often enough. Instead, they are waiting for their next moment to speak. When doing this, they are missing valuable information that they other person is sharing. This valuable information is their perspective, or POV. The point of asking questions in the first place is to receive new information in the form of answers. If you are asking questions just for the sake of seeming engaged, this will quickly become obvious. Instead of focusing on your POV, focus on theirs.
When you listen to the other person, not only are you showing that your care, you are gaining ammo. This ammo isn’t meant to be used against them. It’s meant to inform the next conversation you have or your next decision that has to be made.
Acknowledge their POV.
This may be the most neglected step in the entire process of “weaponizing” empathy. It is something so simple, yet so effective when interacting with others. It is even more scarce when you disagree with someone. It is easy to build up your defense during a conversation or debate, but acknowledging that the other person’s point or POV is valid is not something that happens day-to-day. Whether the other person agrees with you or not, they will respect the fact that you took time to validate their point, and in doing so, them as a person.
Find common goals.
When you engage someone by asking thoughtful questions, listening to them, and acknowledging them, it is much easier to find common goals. What did you both want to accomplish in the first place? Were you looking for a solution to a problem? Did you simply want to make a new connection or build a relationship? Whatever your personal goal is, it‘s always easier to accomplish it when others are on your side.
Do you agree or disagree with my take on empathy? I would love to know. Feel free to comment below, reach out on Twitter (@williamfrazr) or shoot me a message.
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