Narcissists are great characters in fiction — but never marry one…
As an author, when you create a strong and interesting protagonist you need an equally strong and interesting anti-hero — an antagonist who constantly works against the main character and the central goals to the story and final denouement. The narcissist wants to be King — worshipped and respected.
NPD — “Narcissistic personality disorder involves a pattern of self-centered, arrogant thinking and behaviour, a lack of empathy and consideration for other people, and an excessive need for admiration.”
They are also, very often, extremely manipulative using superficial charm like carefully woven tarantula silk to engage and trap their partner into a relationship. Some people are drawn to men who appear confident and strong and who profess to be different and who strut their arrogance with pride.
More experienced people may see the NPD as someone who is cocky and manipulative. It can take time in a marriage until a wife realises she’s married to a patronising and demanding, spoilt child who will blame you and deny their cruelty and mistakes.
The complexities of a narcissist’s character is one of the appealing aspects of writing about them in a novel.
In my Mikky dos Santos Thrillers, some of my antagonists have an inflated sense of importance (check), delusions of grandeur (check), need praise and admiration (check), have a sense of entitlement (check) and they exploit others without shame (check).
In Stolen Script and Truthful Lies my antagonists are manipulative, clever and use exploitation as a means of power and control. Their blame and criticism knows no bounds — they see nothing wrong in their behaviour. They are perfect anti-heros.
However, they come in various shapes and sizes — it’s not ‘one size fits all’. You only need a few of the NPD’s attributes and you have the ideal “baddie” — the Panto “evildoer” — the person who upsets everyone and who upsets our protagonist and detracts them from their goal(s).
In real life they often demean, intimidate, bully, or belittle others…
But — a word of warning — to be successful you must use the character traits subtly. Weave their narcissistic tendencies through sleight actions, conversations, misunderstandings and most of all, allow your reader to be taken in by their natural charisma and confidence. So that when the tension escalates and their dysfunction is revealed your protagonist keeps a sense of worth and self value and has an escape— this is essential for a powerful and worthy ending to your novel.
And that’s fiction.
In real life it’s a different story. Once you’re trapped in a relationship or marriage, it’s hard to leave. Someone with NPD will lie, make crazy promises and, when they think you may leave them, will ‘love–bomb’ you with adoration and flattery. They also promise to change -– sadly, this is just another one of their lies.
Emotional abuse can be subtle. It can affect you and often isolate you from your family. It can also have a detrimental long-term effect on your children. The narcissist wants to be King — worshipped and respected — and when you can no longer do this – HELP IS AVAILABLE.
Freephone, 24-hour National Domestic Abuse Helpline: 0808 2000 247
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