Improve your life or die trying

Be Better, Not Bitter!

Build a better YOU through science (and investments)!

Anxious? Have extra cash? Illustration by Dall-E and mE

Feeling depressed about your crummy life? Can’t stand your job, in-laws, your wife or husband, and every one of your rotten no-good kids? Or are you still single because your dating app profile lists the doldrums as your favorite musical instrument?

At Better Bitter Enterprises, we understand how you feel! Our motto is “Be Better, not Bitter!”

How do we know? We have specialized AI bots that scour your social media posts and conduct interviews with your employer, family, and neighbors. Even your credit report is reviewed. We use this information to identify the perfect individual who will eagerly accept our offer to improve their lives. For a small fee, of course. Please refer to the brochure for prices.

Many of you ask us, “Better Bitter Enterprises, how can you improve my miserable life? How can you transform me — an unhappy, sorrowful, heartbroken, despondent, melancholy, gloomy, and morbid individual- into a cheerful, hopeful, and joyful human being?”

First, let me say, okay, we get it! Please put away the thesaurus.
We at Better Bitter Enterprises have a straightforward method for improving lives using our scientifically developed program called P.I.T.S.™ —…