Go Sith yourself

Darth Vader’s Lost Diary

E Humor
Funny/Humor/Satire
Published in
4 min readFeb 4, 2024

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A peek at evil!

Darth is on the “throne” reading his diary. Illustration by Dall-E and mE

April 25th
Dear diary. blew up planet Alderaan this morning. I can’t wait to get to Scarif and blow that up too, but might not happen. Our supply department said we are “low on Kyber Crystals” for the hyper matter reactor. Jabba the goddamn Hutt, didn’t I say to bring extra crystals before we left Geonosis?

April 26th
Got a suggestion in the Imperial Comments Box that sounded good. Have a projection of my face on the Death Star surface so they know who’s blowing them up. Maybe the engineers in development can make my mask have a more sinister grin. I say go for it.

April 27th
Yesterday, Grand Moff Tarkin tugged on my cape to get my attention. Nobody tugs on my cape. Was he raised by Wampas on Hoth? Of course, I demoted him to Mayor of Mos Espa, my old hometown on Tatooine. Had HR put a career-killing note in his file saying he was a pen pal with Jar Jar Binks.

His elderly mother called me up and pleaded for him to get his old position back. Some crap about growing up on an Eriadu scrubber farm. I got soft and let him back on the bridge.

I made him wear a Jawa hoodie on deck for a week. And he was reminded it was Lord Vader, not “Hey Darth.”

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E Humor
Funny/Humor/Satire

Funny is your friend. Humor laughs with us. Satire is an anatomically correct robot.