HUMOR/OLYMPICS/UNDERWEAR/PSYCHICS
Honoring Underwear Psychics
Commemorating the Olympics, National Underwear Day, National Psychic Day, and the 2024 Election in my birthday month
The first weekend in August this month was between my birthday and my mother’s birthday. I wasn’t much in a writing mood then. Then I found out about these two national observances that I’d never heard of before.
August 5 was National Underwear Day. August 6 was National Psychics Day. In the Garden of Neuro weekly writing workshop, the prompt was centered around one of these two events. Because I’m the creative type and wanted to find a way to incorporate both events. I decided to combine them and make a thing of my own.
That weekend this year for me was National Underwear Psychic Day. I discovered that I’m quite the underwear psychic. I already enjoy staring down at men’s bulges. My intuition game is strong. I can tell what a guy’s packing or wearing underneath without a moment’s hesitation.
You may have seen this at the Olympics this year. This event happened fittingly just ahead of this eventful weekend, August 3rd, also a late birthday present for moi. I’m sure that you can tell that I correctly guessed what kind of underwear he was wearing under those tights. Non, no underwear. That is the safest bet and the best psychic ability I’ve shown in years.
You can take that prediction to the bank. Same with another French Olympian around the same time. A diver this time, Jules Bouyer. You can clearly see that he’s wearing a Speedo. That’s underwear.
But it still takes a bit of skill to figure out what’s underneath. What would you need to figure it out? An underwear psychic not only guesses what’s going on with the underwear itself. They also gauge the complete package. Jules is definitely not lacking either. I’m guessing his partners are very satisfied with his…um, diving.
Why does it seem like my underwear psychic powers are only for beautiful French men with large baguettes? I mean, you watched the Olympics, right? What do you think those athletes are doing in the Olympic Village in their free time? You don’t need a psychic to guess what underwear they’re wearing in those areas. Again, non. Boxers or briefs? No. Yes? Maybe?
Are the jobs of an underwear psychic difficult? Sometimes. It takes hours of careful practice and plenty of study. I feel like an Olympic coach with as much freeze frame and careful study as I’ve done up to the end of the Games.
Of course, even after the 2024 Paris Olympics, I still practice my underwear psychic game elsewhere. Sometimes, even to the disapproval of my partner. Okay, I lied, always at the disapproval of my partner. Apparently, it’s not polite to point and stare in public and make it obvious that you know what someone is wearing and if someone is packing.
I’m sure my skills will one day land me in county jail. I could go up to the wrong person and say something they wouldn’t like to hear. I got close the other day. I saw a guy wearing a red hat getting out of a lifted truck wearing camo pants. The pants were well-fitting and I couldn’t see much beyond that. It probably wasn’t a great idea to scream, “Tightie Whities and Small Dick Energy,” before peeling out of the parking lot hoping they didn’t have enough time to reach for one of those shotguns on the back of their truck bed.
Shouting out this stuff should end up being an Olympic sport someday. It truly is hard, no pun intended, to figure out what’s really happening down there. Again, to all of the fellow underwear psychics out there, please be careful. Please use your powers only for good and when needed.
The world needs your talents more than ever now. The elections are coming up and I don’t even need to remind you of the danger of the small dicks trying to get into power, overcompensating for their shortcomings by trying to project their power hunger onto the American people.
Our next President will not have a dick, hopefully, and the underwear she wears won’t matter, but we need the underwear psychics to expose the hypocrisy and small-dick energy of the GOP to get this country back on track. I don’t have a big dick myself but I never pretend to. Also, I’d never vote for those small-dicked hypocrites. It doesn’t even take a psychic, much less an underwear psychic to see it.
