SATIRE
If You Love the English Language, Please Screw Yourself
How can we expect anyone from another country to learn this crap?
Are you one of the egotistical Americans who thinks everyone on the globe needs to speak English without deigning to learn any other language yourself? If so, you’ll love this.
The confusing rules of the English language are contradictory and inconsistent. How do we expect people from other countries to learn them?
Many people become annoyed when they stand behind “furiners” in the line at the grocery store, speaking their native language. I know about these people because I’m related to more of them than I’d like to admit.
I know a woman who gets her nails done at a salon stereotypically owned and operated by Koreans. She hates it when they talk to each other in their native language because she suspects they’re talking about her.
She thinks these workers have no lives of their own. They have nothing better to do than gossip about this darling damsel’s disgusting digits. Maybe if she took better care of her tubby tootsies, she wouldn’t be so self-conscious.
If they live in our country, they should learn to speak our language!
