Thoughts and Prayers for Executives Losing Sleep on Piles of Money
When it comes to preserving the planet, there’s no one more deserving of our help
In a world increasingly hostile to the traditional art of making an obscene fortune, aspiring billionaires find themselves facing unprecedented challenges. Gone are the days when one could simply exploit the planet without consequence in pursuit of unfathomable wealth. Every time you’re itching to pocket another cool million, there’s some eco-conscious do-gooder demanding accountability.
Nobody cares about the environment more than me, your esteemed government representative. But no matter what, we can’t afford to erode the sacred doctrine that all factories are created equal, endowed by the Economy with these unalienable rights — life, liberty, and the pursuit of unmitigated greed.
I’m saddened to find people accusing me of accepting payment from the manufacturing industry. I’ve had countless opportunities to take bribes, yet I still dwell in a makeshift shelter that can only fit one Olympic swimming pool in its basement. My Tesla, a relic of a bygone era, requires two taps just to get the seat warmers to turn on.
Polluters aren’t villains. They’re victims of circumstance, facing daunting challenges and limited resources…
