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An Open Letter To My Dog Who Won’t Stop Licking Himself
You’re a good boy but enough is enough
Dear Remy,
Let me start by saying that I love you, and it’s important you know this doesn’t change that. That being said, this has gone on for long enough and it’s time I addressed it. You gotta stop licking your dick and balls all the time, buddy.
I think we can agree that for the most part the last year of me working from home has gone pretty smoothly, and I’m grateful! I am! Spending all day everyday together for over a year is a lot, and it’s not like you can just open the door and take yourself for a walk to get some space. (You don’t have thumbs to open the door, as you are aware). I’m not unsympathetic, but things simply have to change.
Remy, my sweet angel, light of my life, there is no way you need to lick your ween that vigorously, for that long. I understand personal hygiene, but this is beyond. Do you know how many times per day I lose track of what I’m writing or have to reread entire emails because all I can focus on is the sound of you going to town on yourself? Did you know that the CIA and the Soviets made their captives listen to the same sounds over and over and over as a form of torture?
